


I Don't Want to be Okay Without You

by GenuineSoftBoy



Category: Destiny (Video Games)
Genre: Best Friends to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, M/M, bros to homos, the darkness tries to ruin everything again and again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:09:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 25,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29589807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GenuineSoftBoy/pseuds/GenuineSoftBoy
Summary: Crota's End and The Hero of the Tower have been friends since they were the titled big shots the Vanguard hails. As the Darkness makes its way into the system, the rowdy Hunter chases down answers to his hunger for power and reflects on his harried past and the road its bound to lead him to.
Relationships: Guardian/Guardian
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter was written by my friends James, co-owner and original creator of Draknus. Second chapter will be written by me and third is a collaborative piece. Big ups and blessings to him for letting me co-own his amazing OC and give him a happy end with my boy Soxkt.

He could hear the NTL Drive power down as he came out of the jump, his arm resisting the g-forces as the ship pulled into orbit. The Guardian looked down at the video display below him, seeing the massive white glow of the icy moon below him.

“Hard to believe that leviathans can live within such an extreme environment under that ice.”

“Not that impressive a feat compared to an Ahamkara or a Hive Worm God. I can believe it.” His Ghost said as it materialized next to him.

“Fair enough, though I wonder if these leviathans are capable of granting wishes too.” He reached up and flipped a switch, causing a 3D hologram of the moon to appear above his dashboard with several white lines passing back and forth over it. “Once the scan is complete, check the logs for any large facilities. I doubt anyone other than Bray would have been building anything on this moon during the Golden Age.”

Several minutes passed, the Hunter relaxing back in his chair flipping a knife around in one hand. As he flipped the knife he looked at his Ghost working through the logs. That little Light, the being he often felt closest with yet understood so little about. He pondered if his own revival 7 years ago was what made him feel so attached to the Ghost. 7 years alongside him in battles, fights to the death against monsters beyond his own comprehension, and searching the system for an answer to a question he didn’t know himself. Was it all going to be worthwhile, with the Pyramids here and staging for whatever they were planning? Was all his efforts and the efforts of everyone he knew going to make any sort of difference?

He shook his head. None of it mattered. He knew that no matter what happened the only thing that could be done was to keep trying. Doing nothing was paramount to suicide, he couldn’t run away again. There was no longer anywhere he could trust to be safe anyway. As he thought, his hand slipped slightly and the knife fell. Landing on the floor of his ship, clanging in seemingly slow motion, his eyes evaluated it slowly. His ears seemed to ring from the metallic sound.

**Small Apartment in The Last City, 2 Months after Oryx’s Death

He cradled the weapon in his arms, the cloth wrappings hiding the metallic frame underneath. Nothing could hide the sound coming from within however- the steady beating of a heart doing everything it could to barely stay alive. 

Why had he done this? What urged him to grab this final remnant and make something so dangerous? He should have left it to die. Left it to fall apart like the throne around it. Left it to crumble… like he did. 

“Draknus. I know not why you chose to capture his heart, but it’s a dangerous game you will be playing to keep him on the brink of life and death. Oryx is not like Crota. He does not rely solely on his throne world to sustain him. He may no longer be gaining tribute from his brood, but he will be taking every bit of tribute he can from the death you cause. That weapon will simply balance what he takes with what he gives. I cannot promise that he won’t find a way around my machinations.” Eris Morn’s words were already difficult enough to understand but twice as hard now when his mind felt like it was still on the Dreadnought, surrounded by a cold mist.

His team may have killed Oryx, but it had felt more like pure luck for their plan to have been successful. Sunika’s calculations had been accurate, Snake’s intuition correct, and E-B0N’s timing perfect. Yet if Oryx had caught on to the plan, he would have had every chance to prevent it. How had someone with a view of everything in his throne not seen what they were doing? 

The Hunter couldn’t comprehend it. Did he feel this way because he felt that he hadn’t helped? Yet everyone told him he had a fundamental key to the plan working. Without him it wouldn’t have worked. They had needed someone who could become Taken, if even for just a moment, and grab the throne’s power for themselves. Now looking back, Draknus felt he had been the wrong choice. The feeling of being torn apart, constantly on the edge of multiple dimensions causing his body to shake in fear once again.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by a hand on his shoulder, Eris having grabbed it and squeezing. 

“I know things weigh more heavily upon you. In some ways more heavily than I could possibly understand. But you must know that there are some things you will never truly know. Understanding is something we strive for, but not something we are always capable of grasping. Humanity has a tendency to run from what it can’t understand, Zavala manages to encapsulate that fear all too well.” 

She let go of him, her hand resting on her floating orb. 

“But when we don’t understand we must stand up to it, for we cannot keep running. In some cases our best option is to dive into the ocean of misunderstandings and find that little light of clarity that we otherwise didn’t have. Consider yourself in the midst of that ocean now Draknus, and that gun,” She nodded at the beating weapon, “your clarity.”

\---

Draknus picked the knife up from the floor, the edge gleaming from the light of the moon below him. He kept forgetting to thank Eris for her help that day, this last 4 months working with her seeming to have passed him by. Without her he might not be where he was now. He might have never escaped his own thoughts. He could have fallen to the fear and anxiety that had overwhelmed him for those 2 years. In a way, he almost had. Instead he struggled and fought with himself internally, clawing to retain his sense of self worth and show himself to those he called friends. 

“The scanner has picked up something.” Ghost said, controlling the hologram to zoom in on what appeared to be a large satellite in orbit, snapping Draknus to attention.

“What is that doing here? I thought the Vanguard had an interdict around Europa, what would make them place a warsat here?”

“It’s not the Vanguard’s, it seems to be built from a much more ancient design.”

“So it’s Awoken? Is the Vanguard interdict just a way to attempt to uphold the Awoken’s failed rules then? Why would they care so much more about this one than the other Jovian moons?”

“No it’s not Awoken either. It doesn’t match any of their signatures or material compositions… wait.”

Draknus looked up at his Ghost, who was scrolling through the data logs in a frenzy. The walls of text were moving so fast that he couldn’t make out any individual text through the blur. Then it stopped, the Ghost staring at something in the log. Draknus leaned in to attempt to read the page himself. 

Weapon scan 1470: Energy scan: high energy generators detected, scanning for laser platforms: successful Result: 35 Laser platforms confirmed to be onboard and on standby, weapon data stored in addendum 1470-a Ballistic scan: explosives confirmed, scanning for ballistic weaponry: successful Result: 220 ballistic platforms with a variety of weaponry elements present, weapon data stored in addendum 1470-b Gravity scan: gravity generator detected, scanning for gravity wave platforms: successful Result: No Gravity wave platforms detected, 1 gravity device detected for non-combat use, data stored in addendum 1470-c Paracausal scan 142: Minor signs of dark matter particles. Quantity: undefined Location: X-568832, Y-349022, Z-853121 Conclusion: space-time hole onboard caused by dark matter entity

Nine presence mandating scan for Taken presence. Neutrino particle scan: Negative Conclusion: Taken presence not detected.

“That is a lot of weapons, is it Cabal? Why would they be stationed here, they haven’t shown an interest in Jupiter’s moons whatsoever.”

The Ghost looked up from the log at the ship’s window. “It’s not Cabal either. It seems to be… Golden Age tech. It should be coming into view now.”

Draknus looked up just in time to see the structure come over the horizon. “Golden Age? A Braytech satellite then? Contact Ana, if it was connected to Rasputin’s defense network then she should know something about it.”

“I’ve already downloaded a copy of the asset list that Ana provided the Vanguard for every device that Rasputin had access to. This is not on it.” the Ghost looked back at his Guardian. “I don’t think this is safe, the log also indicates the presence of the Nine. I don’t know what they would want with a Golden Age weapon platform but it’s unlikely to just be coincidence that they are here at the same time a pyramid ship has arrived.”

Draknus thought for a moment. He came here for answers, the pyramid on Io having told him that this would be where he’d find them. He couldn’t give up because of an ancient weapon platform. “We are going down into the atmosphere, we’ll ignore the weapon platform for now. It doesn’t seem to be responding to our presence anyway.” He gripped the controls and started to angle down into low orbit, the white surface getting closer as he accelerated.

“Not responding, my ass! It’s cannons are taking aim at us right now!” The Ghost pulled up a zoomed visual of the satellite, showing numerous red lights turning on around the enormous structure. “We must not have been in low enough orbit for it to recognize us as a threat!”

Draknus didn’t think as much as he just let his body move. The structure had laser platforms; a moment delay meant a moment for his ship to be cut in half. He pushed the nose straight down at the surface, and activated the boosters to full throttle. His Ghost couldn’t respond in time to dematerialize and fell backwards into the cabin, multiple clanks telling the Hunter that the Ghost would likely be needing a replacement shell once this was over. A loud beeping noise alerted him that he was being locked onto and without even looking at the dash, he tilted the sticks causing him to jettison upwards, spinning in the air multiple times. As he did, he saw a massive red light cover his view as a beam of energy barely missed him, having aimed for where he would have been if he had kept on his trajectory. After the light faded, he saw a massive cloud of ice and steam where the laser had hit on the surface of the moon, easily multiple kilometers in diameter. 

“This thing is not messing around!” He yelled back. “Buckle yourself in, this will not be a fun ride!”

The Ghost yelled back from it’s nestled place inside a dented wall of the cabin, “I’m about as buckled in as I could be right now! But just so you know it’s about to fire several NTL drive missiles at us!”

“Gotcha! I’ll try to shake them!” He said, then shook his head and looked over at the monitor, “Wait did you say NTL missiles!? How the hell am I supposed to dodge something faster than light? How the hell does that even work?”

“Don’t ask me, it’s not something I expected to see either! Just do something!”

Draknus reached up and pulled his NTL switch, the engine warming up deeper in the ship. “I don’t know how they work, but if we can match their speed, maybe we can avoid them!”

“In atmosphere? Are you crazy!?” The Ghost’s shell managing to open up slightly in surprise.

Draknus looked back, staring his Ghost in it’s glowing eye, his mouth pulled into a cocky grin. “You already know the answer to that.” And with that, he spooled into faster than light speed.

**The Last City, The Beginning of the End of the Red War

Draknus struggled against the Colossus, it’s hands gripping onto the front of his armor. He couldn’t do anything, it’s grip significantly stronger than anything he could muster. It walked to the edge of the building, and threw him. It took him over 20 seconds to hit the ground, falling 30 stories and blacking out from the impact. He gasped as he woke up looking around for a few moments. He tried to stand up only to feel pain from both his arm and his legs. He looked down. Yeah, he was pretty sure his feet weren’t supposed to be facing that direction. His arm was also in similarly bad shape, a sharp bone poking out of his forearm.

His Ghost materialized, scanning his body. “This is more than I can repair without access to Light. You also have ruptured organs…” The Ghost flew over his head, looking into the Awoken’s glowing amber eyes. “You will die if we don’t get you medical attention, and that’s a permanent death.”

Draknus closed his eyes, breathing in deeply. He could feel his lungs being pressed by something else that wasn’t where it should be, but he ignored the feeling. 

“Can you heal at least my legs? I have civilians that I need to *cough* escort outside the hot zone.” The cough brought up blood, which he wiped away against the fabric on his arm. “I’ll find a medic afterwards, I’m sure there will be a doctor among the civilians."

The Ghost covered his eye with his shell. He knew that his Guardian was dead. The damage was beyond repair without Light. 

“Okay, I’ll do what I can. I can’t promise walking will be painless though.” He flew back to the feet and mustered a weak pulse of Light. The energy swathed over the body parts and the flesh knitted back together while the bones rested back in place. After a few seconds, the repairs stopped.

Draknus painfully grunted as he lifted himself to his feet, his one good arm pushing off the ground. He could stand, but he could tell that fractures were still scattered throughout his legs. He started stumbling forward, each step making the pain slightly worse. A fire building in his ankles. He could not stop though, he wouldn’t stop. He couldn’t just give up on the people he had spent the last month protecting. This surprise attack against the Cabal had taken those still hiding within the bunkers of the city by surprise as well. There had been no warning. One moment he was helping bring scavenged supplies back to the bunker and the next there were explosions and gunfire just a block over.

He stumbled past several Cabal patrols, their attention seeming too focused on getting to another part of the city to bother checking his bare bone attempts at hiding. Moving as fast he could he still felt far too slow, far too sluggish. He missed having the Light at his fingertips. He missed the feeling of not fearing his own death. 

That one thought stuck. Was he scared of dying? When the Red Legion first attacked and he felt the light leave him, he was more confused than anything else. He had been in his apartment, shooting Cabal with Touch of Malice from his window. The Light left him right as a drop pod crashed through his roof. He got buried along with his gun, which he wasn’t able to find afterwards. If anything in the past month, he felt like he more so missed the companionship of that gun than he felt like he was scared of death. 

He smiled through his bloodied teeth at that. He missed a gun made from the corpse of a Hive god more than he missed his own comrades? What had he been thinking? What was he doing craving the company of an object that couldn’t speak or listen? If anything, it would just kill him by taking whatever life force he had left. No, if he got out of this he needed to find his friends. His clanmates. He wasn’t scared of death, but he was scared of not being able to say goodbye. He was scared of not being able to tell them he was sorry for the last 2 years of seclusion. 

What had E-B0N been doing? He was the first other Guardian he had befriended in this life, surely he must have looked for him a bit. That stupid Exo had likely built himself a warsat base that he had jacked into in an attempt to gather information… it probably had a minifridge in the corner too just so that if he ever invited people over he could call it E-B0N junior. The thought brought a painful chuckle, some more blood being coughed up a moment later.

Sunika and Snake-2 had likely been worried about him, but they knew him well enough to instead focus on keeping the clan running. He had always stressed that new Guardians were more important than himself. They all believed that. Sunika especially would try what she could to keep order maintained. He could only hope that they had managed to escape when the tower got destroyed.

He sighed, knowing that in reality they must have all been worried about him. His disappearances weren’t uncommon, but he had in the past always given some amount of feedback. Left messages about his plans and where he was going. Given out status updates. Even if they couldn’t contact him back they at least knew where he was. But these last two years he had been dark. Off the radar. He was right below their feet, just sitting here in the City, yet if anything that was enough to make them even less likely to find him.

He walked even farther, his feet becoming even more sluggish. What about Soxkt? That Warlock who liked to play at being mute but that Draknus had found he could force into speaking with enough verbal pushback. Draknus chuckled again. He loved making fun of Soxkt so much. Everytime the Warlock spoke back to him without using his Ghost or his hands brought a sense of accomplishment, like he had cracked a shell that was otherwise indestructible. Just thinking about it filled him with joy. The slightly younger guardian was a mess of emotions for sure, but they had formed a close bond after the Wolf Rebellion. They both had such a close interest in the Awoken, it felt to Draknus like it was almost an unspoken rule that they share any info of value that they get. A shared curiosity for their ancestry and a streak to compete pushing them along, maybe a few too many shared personality traits he had been lingering on far too much

His legs buckled, and he collapsed briefly. As good a time as any, he thought as he relaxed against the ground. Just a brief rest.

What had Soxkt been through while he was hiding away? Probably angry and pouting at being left behind at first. After the first few months though that anger would probably turn into worry, then pain. How long until he was over the confusion and sadness? Draknus couldn’t begin to guess. Maybe he was still worried, consumed by anger and grief and had started looking for Draknus before the Red Legion attacked? No, Soxkt would likely have been too consumed by grief to have done much of anything. Draknus frowned. His own isolation had likely caused Soxkt to seclude himself as well, hiding from the world around him. They were similar to each other after all. One hid behind a mask of bravado and self importance. The other hid behind a wall of silence.

He lifted himself back off the ground. He had to ignore the pain. There was no other choice, he needed to see that everyone was safe. Rest would only result in a meaningless death.

A Cabal drop pod landed right in front of him, the shockwave almost knocking back off his feet. As the pod melted down and the Cabal soldiers stepped out one noticed him and stepped forward, grabbing him by his armor plates and lifting him. It spoke at him in it’s own language, causing Draknus to smile.

“Sorry, but I don’t speak turtle. Elephant? Rhino?”

The Cabal lifted it’s massive slug thrower to it’s hostage’s head and spoke again, this time in broken english. “Where QUR your allies? Where QUR your Guardians!? Where is VEM DAK Guardian with Light!?”

Draknus lifted his brow with surprise. Guardian with light? Someone had managed to regain the light? He thought the attack on the city was made by only lightless Guardians and Shaxx’s Redjacks. 

He started laughing in the face of the Cabal. He didn’t care that he was an inch away from death, but the idea that the Red Legion was afraid of just a single Guardian with Light was hilarious to him. They came in and attacked the city, blocked the light, and nearly destroyed all hope for humanity, and now they were falling apart by the actions of a single lightbearer. Who was it? Shaxx or Zavala demolishing their hordes of legionaries? Sunika or Ikora taking out their ships with electrical storms? Or was Cayde shooting holes in their ships with golden gun shots just to annoy them? The last one got him chuckling all the more. 

“BAT URK. Useless!” 

The Cabal threw him to the ground, knocking his breath from him for a moment before he began laughing again. The alien was about to step on him, when suddenly a shotgun blast tore his head from his shoulders and fell backwards. Some gunshots left the other Cabal dead before they could react. Draknus tried to look up at who it was, seeing only the bottom of a warlock cloak. He grunted, trying to lift himself off the ground before realizing his legs had been broken again.

“Don’t walk, you idiot.” 

A familiar metallic voice spoke up, relief and concern coming across just as much as annoyance. He looked up, seeing a Ghost looking down at him. “We’ll heal you, but you’ll need to stay in place. We don’t have time to talk right now but we’ll be back after the battle. You have some explaining to do.” the Ghost said as the Warlock put down a healing rift. The Light from the rift swelled up Draknus’s body, mending everything perfectly, but before he could stand up the Warlock started walking off. He paused at a corner to look over at the Hunter, his helmet taken off so that his face could be seen. A face of mixed emotions that ended in anger being the only thing Draknus saw before they swiveled and rounded the corner, slamming the helmet back down over his head. 

Draknus sat there. Stunned. Soxkt had saved him. Soxkt was fighting back. Soxkt had the Light and was leading a charge against the Red Legion. He was not sad, or secluding himself but instead… angry. Was the anger focused on him, the Red Legion, both?  
Tears trickled down Draknus’s face, his earlier fear and urge to escape overwhelmed by a powerful sense of hope and joy. What was he doing all this time? Why hadn’t he come out of his damn shell earlier? The sight of Soxkt carrying forth in the heroic way that Draknus himself had once walked made him feel a combination of feelings he had never felt before: pride and shame. He laid upon his back again, letting the healing warmth wash over him. 

“I’m a disgrace. I’ve let them all down. Why would I give up like that?” 

His Ghost left him unanswered.

\---

Draknus found himself revived outside of the wrecked cockpit of his ship. He immediately noticed the extreme cold of the environment he was in. Snow as far as the eye could see. Shivering inside his armor, he looked back at the wreckage and pulled out his Ghost.

“Can you find that cold weather gear we brought along?” He asked. “I’m not going to last long out here in normal armor.”

“Will do.” the Ghost left his hand and started scanning the wreckage. In the meantime, Draknus looked out to the horizon. Jupiter filled the sky, covering the vast majority of what he could see. The landscape reflecting the orange light in such a way he felt like he could have been staring at the surface of Mars instead. He transmatted Izanagi’s Burden into his hands. And looked through its scope at the horizon. There was nothing as far as he could tell. Desolate snow and ice everywhere. 

“Found it.” His Ghost flew back over and in a brief flash of light his armor was replaced by temperature controlled gear with a synthetic fur coat over it. After about a minute of it slowly heating up he no longer felt cold, but the gear itself was certainly heavier than he was used to.

“How’s the radio dish?” He asked.

“Could be better.”

He looked at where his Ghost was looking. The dish was cracked in half, with the other half buried inside of the cockpit glass and covered in blood. 

“Ah, so I didn’t die from the crash itself eh?”

“No, I think you did. That just mutilated your body afterwards.”

“Great stuff. Glad to see that the world likes to hurt me even after I die.”

He then looked back at the horizon. “Do you know where we are?”

“Yes. And I think I know where we can find some Golden Age facilities too. Just need to hope they have some working communications equipment. 3 days walk… that-a-way.” He finished by pinging a spot on Draknus’s empty map UI.

“Great. Nothing else to do than start walking then.”

After over a day of mindlessly walking through the snow a wind began to pick up, Light at first but quickly growing fierce, picking up snow and ice until the Hunter felt like he was being pelted from every angle by small chunks of debris. He couldn’t see more than 3 meters ahead of him. Stopping wasn’t an option though and the constant struggle was a good distraction to his wandering mind. He had to send out his communication to the clan. The last thing he wanted was for them to worry, again.

Then as suddenly as it came the wind died down, as if silenced by a greater power. In front of him stood a massive glowing black structure. A pyramid.

His Ghost muttered in his head. “What is that doing here? I didn’t think we were so close to it, I…” 

The Ghost cut off as something hijacked his mind, his voice speaking in a calm yet malevolent manner. 

“You have no need to be scared. We have invited you here, and we have a gift to offer.”

**Oryx’s Throne World, The Dreadnought

“We’ll need to create an attack plan that can’t fail. Oryx could manifest in almost any form within his throne, and he will be nearly invincible to all standard weapons meaning we will need to use paracausal means to kill him.” Sunika said while the group was resting. 

They had just managed to find the exit of a massive gorge with moving walls that pushed victims into an abyss, and that was after dealing with an ogre that consumed vast quantities of light, which Snake had cleverly realized could be used against it had barely made it here alive. The choking hold upon their Light seeming to have died down within this corridor, allowing for what little relaxation they could muster.

“What if we, like with the ogre, try to use light against Oryx?” Snake said, her gloved hand tapping impatiently on her holster. “He has to follow his own rules after all, the sword logic makes no exceptions. His tribute should be large too. Surely there will be large quantities of paracausal energy he consumes to satiate his worm.” 

Sunika pondered. “That would be logical, but there is no guarantee that he would keep large amounts just sitting in his throne room. We will need a sure fire method of generating the required energy.”

E-B0N stepped forward, his praxic fire cloak filled with holes and scorch marks. His metal face creaking slightly as he spoke thanks to the broken jaw he had, not that he seemed to notice. “We must also keep in mind that he could at any moment use his ability to Take. As Guardians, we do have some degree of immunity to being Taken, but in his throne world it is very possible he might be able to force it upon us. If he were to do so however, I have a fallback plan, if you want to take a risk.”

“This whole attack is risky. What’s the plan?” Snake said.

“Well… What if we purposely send Draknus into the Taken realm to find Oryx’s essence? His Taken spark lets call it. If what Eris told us is correct, then he should have a manifestation of his right to manipulate the Taken within the realm at his most powerful point. Draknus could go in, grab the spark, and return. Then we can use the spark to light a fuse on a large amount of light essence, which would be drained from the one who is Taken and be sitting around even if there is no tribute.” E-B0N said all of this very matter of factly, despite how absurd it all sounded, yet everyone else took it in stride.

“Lighting a fuse with a spark. It sounds like you want to fight using a bomb of Light.” Sunika thought out loud. Her look went from questioning to amazed.

“Exactly!” E-B0N exclaimed. “We will fight him with a bomb! Sword logic vs bomb logic! Pure power vs a complex strategy to create the biggest explosion ever!”

The other two members of the party that were with the group, a Hunter and a Titan looked at each other in confusion and worry. The Titan spoke up, “This still sounds extremely dangerous, and why are you recommending that we have Draknus specifically go into the Taken realm? That sounds like suicide to me.”

Upon being pointed out, the Hunter almost seemed to jump to attention having zoned out fiddling with the tip of his knife, “I mean, I don’t mind doing it, seems like an easy enough task. Get Oryx’s attention, get Taken, then search for a Taken… thing.”

Sunika looked over at the Titan and explained. “Draknus is the obvious choice. Becoming Taken utilizes a person’s fears to corrupt their minds. If someone doesn’t fear anything, then it becomes harder to corrupt them. On top of that we need someone with extremely large affinity with the Light. Most of us would work for that, but I don’t think most of us could say we fear nothing. This idiot on the other hand?” 

She pointed her thumb at the Hunter. “Is the most fearless dumbass in the system.”

Snake spoke up. “Very well, I think we have our plan. Unless anyone has any better ideas I say we pull this off. Follow Sunika and E-B0N’s lead. Draknus… get Taken.”

“Can do.”

\---

Draknus walked up the black stairs, the steps radiating paracausal energy, his Ghost continuing to speak into his mind. 

“You have questions. We have answers. The gardener wishes only to praise you, without expecting you to grow beyond your limits. We want you to become greater.”

Draknus finished walking up the steps. In front of him was a statue of a cloaked figure. The same as what he saw in the Black Garden and the pyramid ship on the moon. 

“Ask us your question. We will not keep answers from you.”

He stood there. Thinking. He was not expecting to be facing this so early. He had questions, but had wanted to run them by Sunika or Soxkt first. He had wanted to be cautious, but now he felt like his hand was forced. He thought for a moment longer. He wasn’t sure if it was the smart thing to say, but he wanted to say it, and no one was around to stop him.

“I want to demolish my enemies, stay my fears, using the very power that would destroy us.. If you grant me your power, then you are granting it to someone who plans on using it against its own design, if you refuse to give it to me willingly then I will find a way to take it for myself.” He squeezed his hands around his gun, the white metal contrasting against the black stone around it. 

“I do not have any questions. I have a demand. Grant me the power of the Darkness.”

**Oryx’s Throne World, The Dreadnought

The Titan was overwhelmed, the massive ogre ripping his body in two, organs splaying across the ground. Draknus watched, helpless from within the hole in space that he occupied. No one else could see him, and he could barely see them. Everyone was huddled, thrall and knights coming from all angles. The Hunter had died moments before, head split open by a knight’s sword. It was a hopeless massacre, everyone had quickly realized that within the throne room their light was suppressed to a point that healing was difficult. Self revival was nearly impossible.

And yet despite this Sunika kept yelling orders, giving directions. Snake was dutifully clearing paths through the hive. E-B0N was calculating their plan. And through it all the massive face of Oryx looked down upon them. He had manifested himself as a being larger than the throne itself. Looking down at the battle like someone would a game of chess. He had slammed a pillar in an attempt to take, and following E-B0N’s instructions Draknus willingly jumped into the portal that opened.  
It was horrifying, like walking on a tightrope between two impossibly deep voids. He felt like he was being torn in two by alternating forces. But the physical feeling was nothing compared to the mental bombardment that hit him. 

“You are a Lightbearer, another worthless pawn of the Light.”

“Who are you?” Draknus yelled out, the voice seeming to rake through his mind.

“You have been Taken.”

“I know, I gave myself to you, but I will not give in to this.”

“Let go of your plans. Release your emotions. You are helpless here, and you will never need to be helped again.”

The words seemed to etch themselves into him. Release his emotions, what emotions was he feeling? Fear? Yes. But not about his death, he was scared of the death of his allies. He was worried that he would get them killed.

“What is there to fear? You have joined the many. Your allies are of a greater number than you can comprehend. You no longer need to fear loss.”

Loss was what he feared. The voice was correct, nothing made him feel worse than when those around got hurt. He had a habit of getting people hurt, and the idea of losing everything hurt more than anything. 

“You destroy those who would harm your brethren. You do this without knowing what kinds of loss you create for those you outside of your knowledge. Your thinking is flawed, loss is but a tool that can be used to benefit the many. Without loss, you gain nothing.”

He had gained nothing. He hadn’t been willing to give up anything up to this point, and where had that got him? He was stuck here, trapped between torn dimensions, watching as his friends were torn apart.

“You must accept loss. You must see it and spread it to all those around you.”

He… had to accept that he would lose them. He had to accept that as part of himself. Why did this feel wrong? Why did he feel like he was losing a part of himself?

“There is a knife for you. It is shaped like [Loss without pain].”

A… knife? He was starting to question this voice. This raking voice that seemed to implant ideas in his own head. Was it right to accept it?

“You will not need the light anymore. Instead you will consume it. You will no longer need comrades, for you will be one of many. You will be perfected by the blade.”

Perfected. Why was he wanting to be perfected? Draknus looked down, the guardians he once knew as his friends overwhelmed by Hive. In 4 corners of the throne room massive Ogres were clawing their way out of pits. Their backs swelling with bulging light. The robotic guardian in burned robes yelling something that could not be heard.

“Take the knife. Take it up and lose yourself upon it. Take your new shape.”

Draknus looked down. Next to him was a small white ball of energy. He knew. The voice was egging him to take it. This was the knife. He reached down and picked it up. Looking down he saw a knight pick up the robotic guardian and run him through with his sword. An emotion sparked through Draknus. Sadness. Anger. Fear.

“I will take this knife.” The voice seemed to coil in expectation. Expectant for the answer. “And I will run it through the bastard you serve.” 

The voice recoiled. It hadn’t expected this answer. It attempted to surge back into Draknus’s mind, but in a sudden flash he forced light through himself. Suddenly falling from midair as he popped back into existence within Throne World. Within his hands the ball of energy remained. He landed as he rushed to his friends, jumping over the heads of the hive and throwing out a knife to kill a knight that was about to hit Snake from behind.

“You are late.” Snake said, stabbing two thrall through their eyes.

“I know, what do I do with this?” He said lifting the energy to Sunika.

She looked at it briefly while blasting fusion rifle bolts, granting a brief moment of respite. “Find the immortal knight, we saw him a moment ago but we couldn’t hurt him. He has the protection of the Throne. If you take him we should be able to steal that protection.”

He looked around. Seeing a knight, larger than the rest, towering over the body of E-B0N, pulling his blade out from the Exo’s body. Draknus ran, screaming, emotion acting before his mind could think. He jumped, and thrust the energy into the knight's chest.  
The knight didn’t seem to notice the energy and instead simply grabbed Draknus by the arm and lifted. Pulling the blade up to chop down. The Hunter attempted to stab at the arm holding him, but the Light infused blade seemed to do nothing.

Then a blinding gold radiance filled the area. A warlock in gleaming golden robes rose from the ashes of the guardian the knight had slain, wings of fire flowing from his back. E-B0N grabbed the knight’s sword arm, and pulled down, preventing the swing. The distraction was enough for Draknus to pull his arm back, and stab a knife into the Taken energy on the knights chest. The knife, and the energy, cut into the creature. 

“Accept this knife, and grant me your Ascendancy.” He didn’t know why he said the words, but they came to him, as if a memory long past.

The knight fell apart, falling into pieces of smoke and armor as Draknus then felt power flow into him.

“Good!” E-B0N yelled, throwing solar grenades into the thrall that were still rushing to them. “We just need to kill the tribute ogres now!”

“Already on it.” They heard over comms. They heard a massive roar, then another, and another. Multiple massive spheres of light floating where Snake had killed the ogres. Sunika finished off the final one. A thrall attempted to claw her in the back only to have it bounce off harmlessly as Draknus willed the throne’s protection onto her.

“Good.” E-B0N walked up beside Draknus and aimed at one of the balls of light. “Now detonate them.”

The final explosion of Light was blinding, every Hive burning to dust in an instant. If not for the throne’s protection, the 4 lightbearers would have died too. Oryx recoiled back, his own protection burning away to searing light. 

For some reason, the sight of all the dying thrall, and the burning Taken King, made Draknus feel… sorrow. He felt fear and loss and anguish. He didn’t know why he felt it, but the flash brought him to his knees. The adrenaline from the fight was suddenly lost. He felt anguish, pain at the amount of death. He thought of the Guardians they brought with them. Amelia and Galiar. They had died permanent deaths. Their Ghosts had been destroyed in the explosion of Light. The Hive that he shouldn’t have felt anything for, their deaths all felt like a massive hole had been punched through his lungs, making it difficult to breathe. 

Everyone saw his collapse. They reached out for him. But he pushed them away. He couldn’t hear what they were saying. He didn’t want to hear. He felt enveloped, consumed by a feeling of loss that he had never felt before. Tears streaming down his face, he didn’t understand it. He didn’t want to understand it. He felt anguish and that was all that mattered in the moment.

The others started arguing, Snake shook him trying to tell him to stand up. He did not. Eventually they stopped paying him any mind, their attention turned to each other, arguing about what happened, trying to figure out what he was going through. In the moment, he looked up and saw the heart. It was such a small, weak thing. Yet it beat away, slowly trying to fulfill its purpose even though it no longer could. He reached out and grabbed it, shoving it into a bag on his belt. He didn’t know why, but he wanted to protect it.

\---

It had been 7 days since he had crash landed on the frozen moon. After leaving the pyramid, his demand having gone unanswered, he continued to travel towards the original way point his Ghost made for him. The Ghost didn’t wake for several hours, seeming to have been more detrimentally affected than the previous times he had been hijacked. After waking though, he didn’t ask his Guardian any questions nor did his Guardian him. He could tell through his emotions that he was recalling some painful memories during this journey. He was trying to answer questions for himself that the Ghost could not answer, and that he assumed the Darkness also either failed to give him or chose not to.

He arrived at the remnants of a building with the Braytech logo on it. He forced himself in using a well placed solar grenade to melt the ice and quick hack from his Ghost. Inside, he found the remnants of a communication array. 

“You think this one has all the remaining pieces we need to reach out to Earth?” He asked as his Ghost scanned the equipment.

“I think so, though it will be a weak signal. Better than nothing though.”

“Good. Let’s do it.”

He sat down, using solar light to melt the ice off the computers. The Ghost sent out a spark, and the computer systems started booting.

“You think any of them will be angry to have not heard from me for a week?”

“Most definitely. Sunika will scold you. Soxkt will want to twist your head off. And No Name will likely just actually twist your head off.”

Draknus chuckled. “As they all should, though I would like my head to stay on if possible.”

“No promises there. All I can do is revive you after they do so.”

“Ha! I don’t doubt that.” A moment passed, the computer monitor still showing a loading bar. “Hey Ghost?”

“Yes?” The Ghost looked at his Guardian. He could feel an emotion, something somber, welling up inside him.

“You’ll always be there for me in the end, right? You won’t leave me if things take a turn for the worse?” His voice was cracking, struggling to get the words out.

“I... “ the Ghost didn’t know what to say. Physically, he couldn’t just leave his Guardian, and he felt a closer bond with him than any mortal being ever could. In this moment though, the Ghost didn’t know what his Guardian required in order to recover from what he felt. Just like when he had fought Oryx, the Ghost was at loss for what his Guardian needed. He felt he never would. So he said the only thing he felt he could say, the truth. “I will never leave you. I am yours, just as you are mine. We are Guardian and Ghost, the chosen pair to wield the Light.”

The Hunter took off his helmet, his lips quivering as he wiped his arm against his face. Tear stains on his blue skin, a speck of light moving beneath it refracting for just a moment into a small rainbow of colors. He looked up at his Ghost. “Really? Even if I accept the power of the darkness? If I have to forsake light to prevent those around me from dying? Would you stay with me then?”

The Ghost was motionless, the ever moving shell dead still. What had it just heard? Forsake the Light in favor of Darkness? They had given thought to accepting Darkness in bits and pieces, wielding it along with light as a weapon. But forsaking light completely? Would that even be possible? The Ghost wasn’t sure, couldn’t be sure. All it knew was that his Guardian must be in a bad place to be thinking these thoughts. He didn’t know how to recover him, but he would try what he could.

“I don’t know what would happen to me if you chose that. But if you did have to make that decision, then I would support you all the way.” He flipped his shell around in an attempt to look joyful. “After all! I found you! You are my Guardian, no one else can possibly replace you, and that’s because we were made for each other. Now chin up, get your message out to the clan, and prepare for whatever might be coming. You have a city to save Hunter!” He ended his little speech with a quick twirl to emphasize the point, the movement getting a small chuckle out of the Guardian, a reaction he took extreme pride in, his shell almost swelling in response.

“You're right. I have no reason to be down on myself. Move ahead, and keep trying everything I can. If that’s all I can do then I might as well do it.” His face looked determined again. As he reached out and pressed the record button. 

“For all members of Otselotovaya Khvatka, this is an emergency distress call from Hunter Draknus. I have crash landed on the Jovian Moon Europa. I repeat I am on the Jovian Moon Europa. My exact coordinates are unknown, however I am within 30 kilometers of a Pyramid ship landing zone. I was shot down by a Golden Age defense platform that was extremely hostile, I advise extreme caution on orbital approach.” He sighed, catching his breath briefly, then thought carefully about what he wanted to say next. But when he came up blank, he simply said what he wanted to say to those he cared most about. 

“Sunika, Soxkt, Snake, and if you are still somewhere out there, E-B0N. Please come help me. I am lost in more ways than one.”


	2. Tell the Truth so I Don't Have To

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draknus and Soxkt pair up with a Titan in their clan to take down Kridis. Draknus's introspection of his past begins to float on the memories of his early days with Soxkt on the Reef and his fears of Stasis

The Ziggurat loomed over the white tundra, the Awoken’s amber eyes glancing back and forth from the dark pillars, to the Pyramid in the distance, and back again. His thoughts remained jumbled, attempts to calm himself failing as anxiety surged and waned inside him. No matter how long he looked, the horizon still gave him pause. No Name said he was strong enough to take what was being offered, but that’s not what it felt like. He felt vulnerable, weak, and he knew that the feeling itself was enough to allow the Darkness to take it’s grip… or at least that’s what he believed. It’s what he had been told stories of, what he had seen and, most importantly, what he had felt in himself in a king’s court years ago.

He heard it described as tolerance. You had to plunge in once you made the leap so, beforehand, you had to prepare yourself. So that’s what this long, freezing meditation in the snow was supposed to be. Instead, his stomach just hurt with how often it was squeezing itself into knots at the idea of walking up those sleek black stairs and taking what he knew was eager to take him as well.

Draknus rolls his eyes over at the sound of crunching snow, the only sound for miles around. He doesn’t flinch when it stops near him and then lowers itself at his side. He continues to regard the Ziggurat though now with a little less weight on his brow.  
“Hey.”

“Hey yourself.” Soxkt responds softly. 

The silence is comfortable, as is the heat in the inches between their prone bodies. They hadn’t spoken much since Sunika had found him and brought him back to the clan.There was the initial bout of furious yelling thinly veiling concern. There was Soxkt dragging him to reunite with Variks, chest puffed with pride as he presented him to the scribe like the favorite child eager for praise. But aside from there, things had been too busy to find time in each other's company. Not that he had really minded. It was nice to keep busy with patrols and recon missions, to feel like he was making a difference. It put a cork in all his curious itchings to explore the icy tundras, urges he knew the Darkness could feast on. Urges they might have already begun to sink hooks into even now...

Draknus slowly slackens his grip on his thoughts and lets himself float again, back into nothing, into the shadowy corners of his mind. He is sure if he strains, he can hear the whispers again on the still wind.

In a stunning turn of events, Soxkt breaks the silence first.“No Name said we should head out soon. I got everything from Variks on where Kridis is, what she’s planning.” He tucks his arms beneath his head. “With that Eliksni ship on its way to Mithrax, there’s nothing stopping us from finishing this fight once and for all.”

“Yeah, right. No problem.” Draknus feels his heart surge with familiar chase. It doesn’t linger long. Quickly, he feels it be swallowed by the hollowness inside him and his mind begins to drag away again. He grimaces.

“Drak?” He startles and turns to see Soxkt watching him with a sharp look, watching his troubled expression. Stupid keen eyed idiot, too smart for his own good. Draknus smiles.

“You know, I would have been so mad if Sunika brought me back here and you were just throwing cosmic ice around like it was no big deal. Super pissed, super jealous.”

Soxkt’s expression slackens and he grins. “Lucky me I didn't then.”

“Yeah. Lucky you indeed.” Draknus made himself as comfortable as he could in the snow, casually looking back up at the white sky, keeping his voice easy. “What are you waiting for? To wield Stasis?"

He doesn’t let himself look at Soxkt. He doesn’t need to look to know the sort of expression he must be wearing. Eventually, the Warlock responds, halting, "...Once I want something...I'm scared to let myself have it." Soxkt shifts in the slush anxiously. “I’m...selfish. I’m sure the Darkness knows that already though.”

“Wanting things doesn’t make you selfish, dummy.” He isn’t blind to the hypocrisy in his response.

“Shut up. You don’t get it.” Draknus grins at Soxkt’s easy lie.

“I’ve never met someone so convinced they can’t have things. You keep doing the impossible and acting surprised when people want to reward your strength. How many more Towers and heroes do you need to save, eh?”

“Don’t know. How many more Hive gods?”

He wasn’t expecting that. “How many more Hive gods until what?”

“Until you know you’re worth something, idiot.” Soxkt flicks his temple, spattering his forehead with ice. “You’re worth more than the sum of the people you surround yourself with, you know. You’re more than good enough on your own.”

Draknus’s eyes blink rapidly, his lips slightly parted in a still image of shock. He tried to push out words, however meaningless they might be but he couldn’t muster even that. 

Soxkt smiled bashfully at his floundering expression. “I’ve been meaning to tell you that for a while now. But since you’re… ‘lost’...it seemed good to tell you now. Before you go get lost again.”

Draknus looked at the sky, then after several moments he took a deep breath lasting several seconds, pushing his hair back with one hand as he did so. He faced Soxkt, though his eyes didn’t meet the red haired Awoken’s. 

“I’ve known all that for some time but... I think I just needed to hear it from someone else. I haven’t been able to talk myself up lately and I-I just have been feeling worried that I’m constantly letting those around me down. Letting you down.”

“Me?” Soxkt took the turn to look surprised and then quickly turned away. Draknus could see the blush on the tips of his ears even from where he lay. “You...you don’t need to worry about things like that. I’m not going to...um, I mean, probably won’t be let down. Most likely. You...you’re fine.”

The Pyramid watched their exchange in stoic quiet. The silence between them was rapidly growing awkward so Draknus dealt with it best he knew how and laughed loudly in the face of the Pyramid’s eye.

“Gods above, we haven’t changed at all! Not a bit. You would think a war or two might make us different people. Hardened or gruff or whatever. But nope! Come on, man, we gotta be a little less easy to predict.”

“Speak for yourself,” Soxkt snorted, “I’m still stunned with how stupid you are sometimes.”

“That’s good! You need a little excitement and surprise from time to time. And Guardians should remain unpredictable.”

“Let me rephrase that- I think I can expect about anything you do at any given moment when you aren’t trying to kill yourself.”

“Ok, yeah, but did you expect this?!”

Draknus took a fistful of snow and lifting himself to his elbows, victoriously plunged it in the curve of Soxkt’s neck visible beneath his collar. Soxkt made a sound like a kicked warbeast and immediately socked Draknus in the chest, flipping him back into the snow an additional two inches than before. Draknus was still laughing when he heard Soxkt pull himself up and shuffle the snow off his robes with chattering teeth.

“I hate you so much.”

“I’m fully aware, Socket.” He waited with both hands in the air expectantly and happily let himself be heaved back to standing. Soxkt brushed a bit of snow from his shoulder pad then lightly palmed his forehead.

“C’mon. Variks is expecting a lot from you, Crota’s End, Kingslayer, whatever. You tell him I’m the Young Wolf by the way and I’ll rip you in half.”

“How do you know I haven’t already told him, eh?”

The mote of warmth in his chest wouldn’t last. Draknus knew that. But he held on to it for as long as he could as they trudged their way back to the camp to begin the final step of putting this war to bed.

**THE VESTIAN OUTPOST, four days following the capture of Skolas

The handsome prince’s stare is unflinching, unblinking, as though he knows that the longer he holds onto it, the more he sands away at the Guardian’s layers of patience and attempted restraint. He lets the silence boil the Guardian alive. In the small room, it was easy to feel the room heat up to unbearable levels. Never mind that he has much better uses of his time; this was worth all his attention. 

The Ghost over his shoulder speaks up, again, trying to fill the silence, as though repeating itself will eventually make the Awoken prince understand.

“Your Grace, again, we are truly grateful for the generosity you showed in letting us enter this deal with you and Her Majesty when we first met. We understand even more now the gravity of the proposition you gave us with other Guardians entering the Reef. You put a great deal of trust in us and we are forever thankful to the kindness of you and the Queen.” The Ghost shut it’s eye and inclined forward, as though bowing his head. Uldren Sov barely let himself glance at the floating ball of scrap before squarely refocusing on the Guardian. The helmet’s front offered no insight on what was bubbling away underneath but he could almost smell the anxiety wafting off him anyways. 

The prince drummed his fingers on the arm of his seat. Soxkt shifted nervously, hands wringing. Uldren cracked a joyless smile, fingers stilling.

“What a surprise. Abandoning your solitude to go back to your Traveler and your gleaming Tower. I thought you were above all that, little refugee.” He could hear the heavy swallow from where he sat. “Or, at least, I thought you were simple enough to aspire to more simple pleasures.”

Ventriloquist tried to find a polite angle to reply with. “We...we understand your confusion but...things have changed recently. Our hunt for Skolas reunited us with some Guardians and we believe we...would best be suited helping elsewhere. We think our time in solitude has strengthened us so we may be of use in the greater system now."

“Tell me, gnat.” Uldren raised a hand carelessly, silencing Ventriloquist. “Is this you speaking such fine excuses...or are you merely dictating what he tells you?” Soxkt stiffens in his seat, back straight as a board. The Ghost beeps nervously.

“I am dictating for him, Your Grace, in this instance and in most.”

Uldren hums, chin tilting, haughtily staring down at the Guardian. “I see. You would be quite the smooth talker if you ever unhinged that stone jaw of yours.” It doesn't sound like a compliment and Soxkt knows better than to imagine it might be.

The prince sighs exhaustedly and reaches for a datapad resting on the dusty console, tapping away with a bored expression.

“You will be free to go and I will personally see to it your contract is null and void by our agreement's end. No reason to bother the Queen when our great shores are now awash in your ilk. One missing zealot of the Light doing odd jobs won’t be cause for concern.” He hummed to himself gently as he flicked through a series of files that flashed across his face. “See to it your final job is satisfactory and there will be no more arrangement between us. You can just be yet another nuisance we are forced to accept the aid of for the time being.”

Uldren waited. He didn’t need to wait long.

“Your...Grace?” Ventriloquist stuttered, “Um, d-did you imply we would be doing another job?”

Uldren cocked his head. "Oh? Did you think you could just...go? Say your charming goodbyes and skip after the heels of that peacocking hero you’ve attached yourself to? I'm afraid not everything works solely for your benefit. The terms and conditions of our business end with my authority. Not yours.” With a flourish, he sweeps his finger across the screen. Ventriloquist jolts with the received information suddenly in his database.

“Your assignment, Guardian.” He watches with unrestrained anticipation as the Ghost projects the image of Skolas and the scrolling wall of executions details to his Guardian. He doesn’t need to see Soxkt’s face to picture the expression beneath the bone.

“I look forward to watching the feeds should they be released after!” Uldren called to Soxkt’s back with a wicked grin a mile wide as the Warlock suddenly stood to leave, “I know the Vanguard doesn’t enjoy having proof of their failures circulating- they tend to scrub those feeds a bit too fast for me to always catch. So you should try to win, Guardian. For everyone’s sake.”

The door swung shut behind Soxkt with a resounding clunk. The guards who had escorted him had departed and he was left alone on the dimly lit walkway. His helmet came off in his shaky hands.

“...That could have gone better.” Ventriloquist squeaks out, floating to put as much distance as he can between himself and his Guardian without losing visual.

Soxkt whips his stag helmet at the wall with shattering force and yells directly up at the crisscrossing piping that makes up the ceiling above him. He knows the prince can hear it, even through the thick walls between them and the rusted, heavy duty door that divides them. He doesn’t care. For a brief indulgent moment, he loses himself to his rage and revels in how good the rushing anger makes him feel, even standing here now frothing at the injustice of it all.

But eventually his voice has to give out, weak and unsteady from a lack of use, and Soxkt resigns himself to picking up the remains of his helmet from where it rolled against the floor and trudging hopelessly back to the main lobby of the Vestian outpost.

**One hour later

Draknus whistles and leans as far back in his cruiser seat as it will let him. Soxkt silently hopes he tilts too far and brains himself on the ship floors but he frustratingly keeps perfect balance, even as he begins to tap away on the holopad, pulling up a display that clearly laid out the groundwork for their next excursion.

“You look... way too happy, Hunter.”

“This- Socket, this will be incredible!”

“Sure. If we... survive it.”

“Oh psssh! How bad could it be, eh?” Those five easy words seemed to be Draknus’s answer to every problem they ran into on the shore and off, always paired with that sly grin that promised great things and, amazingly, tended to deliver. Still, it didn’t stop the scowl Soxkt wore and, if anything, only served to deepen it.

“It’s a Kell, moron. Not just any target.” He grumbled, watching his Ghost fill in the cracks on the skull front of his helmet, the Light pouring out to weave inside cracks of synthetic bone.

“Yeah? Your point? It sounds like fun! Didn’t really get to go all out when we captured him. Just think about it! A big, worthy adversary? We get paid, and we get the Queen in our pocket for it after? That’s the good life, my man.” Seemingly satisfied, he casually tossed the holopad, not even watching as Soxkt scrambled to catch it mid-air, voice pointedly less excited as he continued. “Plus, I mean, it gets you back to the Tower without that whiny prince trying to keep a leash on you. So that’s cool, I guess.”

"He's retaliating...against me." Ventriloquist disappeared and Soxkt turned the helmet to face him, looking at himself through the inky black eye holes, transmatting the holopad away after the image of Skolas embedded in it made his stomach churn.

"Probably!" Draknus kicked his feet up on the dash and examined the toes of his shiny boots.

Soxkt stared for a moment longer at his barely visible, distorted reflection. He sighed heavily, clearly having failed some mental battle, and looked over at Draknus, the helmet leaving his hands. “I...listen. I...I don’t want to drag you into this for no reason so if-”

“Or what? You gonna try and take down a Kell armed to the teeth in a mine infested two-by-four by yourself? Like you went and tried to face that Taniks by yourself?” The smirk Draknus wore ignited Soxkt’s face as he was targeted by it. “I’ll pay to watch that! Or to listen in on a secure line. Sometimes, when I close my eyes at night, I can still hear how terrified you sounded in your comms once you saw that Walker drop on Taniks’s ship-”

Soxkt’s hand was quite suddenly firmly grappling Draknus’s face,stopping his embarrassing tirade short, Ventriloquist reappearing to quickly nab that moment of quiet secured for him.“Okay, okay!! Stop that. He says just drop it and come along then.”

Draknus did his best to mumble around the gauntlet squeezing him haphazardly. “What else did he say?”

“He also said someone should break your jaw every once in a while to give him some peace of mind.” Soxkt pulled his hand back and slumped in his seat, arms crossed, pouting furiously, still just as brightly red faced to the ends of his ears. It was a certainly better mood than the one he came in with. A little embarrassment and ego wounding was much better than melancholy. Draknus swelled with accomplished pride.

“How rude. Just do it yourself then, ya lazy.”

“He might not stop at your jaw if he does.”

“Oh yeah? Very, very scary Socket. I’m all sortsa intimidated.” With that, he latched himself into his seat and reached for the throttle, bright eyes cutting through the display that lurched in front of them laying out the system. He saw Soxkt scramble to lock in beside him. “Now let’s get a hot meal before we take down the Kell of Kells. We’ll need it.”

\---

The journey is long and the storm is harsher than expected. Riis-Reborn isn’t far from where their camp was but Variks doesn’t want them to force their way ahead. Time is of the essence but emptying all their ammo on pockets of ambushing Vex and Eliksni would be a risk not worth taking. Draknus was able to find a cave, emptied with a few clips of his hand cannon, to hole up in for the night. Soxkt had a hot plate. No Name threw her Solar hammer onto the floor and kept its flame constant. Within minutes, the combat ready Guardians were suddenly simmered down, huddled around the fire and ripping through packs of hardtack and whatever soup Soxkt poured out of his thermos in the tiny pot bubbling away.

Draknus couldn’t be more proud if he tried. It’s almost humbling, watching even No Name try to ask the right questions, resist rolling her eyes at the answers given to her. He knows it must seem so simple to her- in a single swooping moment, she had decided on her heroism and acted on it with incredible force. The Darkness never had a chance with her at the helm. There was more to her than met the eye and, sure, she probably struggled as all Guardians did. But even in her first steps of being the leader on such things, she was doing great. Inadequacy gnawed on his bones- she was even younger than him and was already so much more well seasoned to the doubts placed on her shoulders. 

He watches like an interested passerby as she gently prods Soxkt for his hesitations on Stasis. Of course, he is a wellspring of feelings, Ventriloquist carefully dictating his answers to her. He is more of an open book than he has been in years, even if he still dances around the truth with careful words. It’s a dance No Name has no desire to learn as she tramples straight through his feelings to get upsettingly close to the heart of things.

Draknus chews through his ration. He can’t help but wander, eyes glazing over, deep in his own endless cycle of thoughts. When No Name rounds her questions on him, he knows how to grin and slip out of each one. He sees Soxkt raise an admiring eyebrow. It fills him with both pride and a twinge of shame.

Maybe that’s why late that night, he can’t sleep. Moreso than the whispers, the tugging, the sensation of drowning sitting in his lungs, it’s the pressure for catharsis that has him wide awake. Adrenaline pours through his veins with nowhere to go. It feels like cliff diving, diving out of a careening ship. If he is going to fall, he needs to land safely.

He drags his insulated sleeping bag across the ground, grateful No Name sleeps like a rock and snores like a lion.

“Hey, Socket?” Draknus is already flopping beside him on the desolate earth eager to crawl back into the tiny pocket of warmth.

“Yeah man?” Soxkt’s voice is thick with drowsiness and he writhes in his sleeping bag to flop over and face his anxious friend.

“I lied.” Draknus shuffles closer, breathing more than talking, rushing his words out as soft and fast as possible, barely able to make out his cloudy breath in front of him. “If Sunika brought me back and you had Stasis already? I wouldn’t be mad or...jealous or anything like that.”

Soxkt grunts as he scoots closer, wiggling until he’s shoulder to shoulder with Draknus, resigning himself to not getting any sleep until this conversation is over. “I figured. You...you’d be scared?” He whispers, voice a guilty rumble in his chest.

Draknus felt a smile stretch across his face, briefly pulled away from the humming edge of nerves. “No, of course not, idiot, not at all. Not even a little.” He chews the nail on his thumb, thinking. “I would feel...really relaxed. Confident. Hell, I’d probably be bringing Stasis with us into this fight right now otherwise. Might not be the best idea to actually do that but, you know, very likely.”

Soxkt lets the words’ meaning sink in, the sound of gentle water dripping filling in the gaps of quiet between them. Draknus waits for him to find his words again. He hears the Warlock’s hands scrape gently against the floor.

“If someone like me could wield it, you figure you could too.” Soxkt says it carefully, not as a question. 

“Kinda. Not...not really. Ugh, this is weird.” Draknus pulls his hand up to drag it through his hair and startles when it bumps Soxkt’s suddenly much closer hand, which quickly scuttles back. “That was probably the case a while ago but...it’s changed. Kind of. I also never thought I could be the kind of hero the Vanguard needed. And you clearly succeeded where I couldn’t. And, so, you know…” Draknus puffs his cheeks out as he exhales. “I guess there’s a little bit of if you can do it, I can do it too. But also, mostly, I think if I just saw you doing that…”   
The condensation drips. No Name snorts in her sleep and drowsily swears at something in her dreams. Draknus waits for the heat in his cheeks to cool before he answers.

“It would be…. kind of be inspiring. Maybe that’s the wrong word. Do you know what I mean? It would just...make me feel better to see you...doing everything okay. To see you doing something cool.” He finished the statement as he began to mentally trail off to the image his own words evoked. Soxkt summoning the ice staff like he had seen Sunika do, wielding it like a mage from some Golden Age fantasy novel, posing with it in the air, a pulse of dark energy surging out and mowing down a wave of faceless enemies. Strong. Powerful. Still bursting with Light even under the burgeoning Darkness.

He closed his eyes harshly and scrubbed the image from his mental forefront. The hell was he doing fantasizing? That wasn’t the point...

Draknus waits and counts down slowly, waiting, waiting for the moment Soxkt bursts into laughter or scoffs or does something that’ll make him realize just how ridiculous he’s being. But of course he doesn’t. Instead, Soxkt’s voice is overflowing with an emotion he can’t place as he rolls back over, curling up tight into his thermal warmth. He directs his answer to the cave wall and let’s it bounce back to where Draknus lies waiting.

“I promise...I know exactly how you feel.”

Draknus waits for more but soon, Soxkt’s breathing comes out slow and steady. He turns and lies on his back and resigns himself to another long sleepless night.

This used to be easy, didn’t it?

**THE REEF, two weeks into the hunt for Skolas

Time was hard to keep track of in the Reef, especially if you aren’t careful. Exploring the perimeters of space meant the Warlock and the Hunter rarely had a sky to look up at. Even when they did find themselves sitting in the entrances of caves leading to winding ruins, it was only the all encompassing reach of the cosmos above them, sunless, bright with stars at all times, dizzying and terrifying all at once.

So the Hunter wasn’t sure for how long he had been with the Warlock now. It couldn’t be too long. If it was, he was sure his Ghost would sternly inform him of how much he was backseating his duties. Not that the Warlock would let him slack off anyways. Even these dives were done wrapped in the excuse of hunting down dissenting Wolves and gathering Golden Age tech to gift to the Reef. Not that the Warlock seemed to mind when the Hunter pocketed any for himself. And the Warlock tended to mind a lot of things.

“Hey, Warlock?” Draknus cracks a smile when his question is meant with a real vocal reply, a tiny glint of pride in his mouth that melts on his tongue.

“What is it, Hunter?”

Draknus waits for a minute but the rutting of blade on stone from where the Warlock hones it doesn’t pause. “Is he actually listening to me, Ventriloquist? Or just humoring me?”

“Yes.” The Ghost is much like his charge- way too content with solace and it’s clear in his weary voice he is exhausted already by being pulled into this conversation. Draknus wondered the kind of trouble he might get himself into if his Ghost didn’t foil him as well as it did and instead played the yes-man to his every whim. 

Ventriloquist doesn’t let Draknus drift off too far in his daydreams. “He asks if you’re going to follow that up with anything.”

There’s the sharp sound of Draknus drawing the blade at his side that nearly matches the other blade’s honing. Humming, he twirls it between his fingers. “I’m just thinking.”

There’s a hint of a chuckle in the Ghost’s response. “He says that can’t possibly be healthy for you.”

“Oh, definitely not. Though you should know I’m a lot more brains than I let on by now, eh?”

There’s a tiny hiss of pain and Ventriloquist quickly wheels around to face his Guardian, ducking out of view to heal what must be a nick of the knife. There’s a respite before the next reply comes. “He asks if you just wanted an excuse to brag.”  
“Nah. Just...thinking.” For the first time, Draknus hesitates. It’s a risk- sure, not a big one or a deadly one, but a risk all the same and one a Ghost can’t bring him back from. His brief contemplation doesn’t stick though. He casually throws his knife, watching it spin above him before easily catching it with one hand. 

“S’weird, you know? I run into this random, never-before-seen Warlock, no Vanguard connection apparently, on some mysterious assignment to the Queen that happens to match mine who sticks around me even though I’m pretty sure he hates me. Keeps by my side for...days now? Long enough to get pretty close with me and my Ghost. Long enough to, I dunno, send reports of me back to the Queen, the Guard, or to whoever would pay you...”

Ventriloquist swiftly cuts in, tone unbothered, like he was playing mediator. “He says that’s a lot of self importance you got there. Who would want to know about you that badly?”

“Some people might have an issue with ‘Crota’s End’ running around, questioning the Vestian Dynasty, sneaking into the Reef...finding its secrets…”

“He said in case you haven’t noticed, we aren’t big talkers.”

“Right, right. I was thinking about that. You’re just out to snuff my Light.”

The cave rings quiet now. The knife has stopped in its movements. Draknus picks up the sound of it being placed on the ground and the gentle shifting of the Warlock before he speaks out loud once again, tone unreadable, “...You think I’m going to kill you then, Hunter?”

Now came the tricky part. “Here’s the thing- I kinda didn’t care when I realized it. Still don’t! But now...I’m thinking you might actually just like me instead.”

The silence stretches long. Draknus expected it to be awkward, and it most certainly is uncomfortable, but it’s tense too. It’s heavy. Exactly what he worried about. He rolls onto his side to watch him, curious as to what the Guardian might do. Soxkt is still, shoulders low, the diligent sound of carving frozen in time. He sees his talkative hands twitch and the knife is back in his grasp.

And then it breaks. All at once, the mood lifts. The blade runs slick across the grinding stone and he sees Soxkt lift it, reflecting the hazy void sky in it’s edge.

“He wants to know why that matters either.” Ventriloquist fills in.

“It doesn’t.” Draknus flops back onto his back and, as though he’s cinched some great truth, he exhales finally, smiling up at the ceiling. “Except that I like you too, Warlock. That probably only matters to me though.”

He can see Soxkt stand up out of the edge of vision with a grunt, shifting his robes aside to holster the knife in his boot. He bends low to grab his rifle and walks by, boots crunching against the ground. His voice is barely loud enough to be heard by Draknus as he trudges by. “First watch. Go to sleep, Hunter.”

Draknus braces himself on his arms to watch him go, calling out to his back, “You should start calling me Draknus, you know! It’s more polite, Socket!”

Soxkt pauses in the cave entry way, golden eye gleaming as he peeks over his shoulder. “And you...can learn to pronounce my name. Hunter.” And with that, he’s gone. Draknus sleeps spooning the smug satisfaction deep in his belly.

**PRISON OF ELDERS, the day of Skolas's reckoning

Draknus tries to hold onto that feeling. That feeling of clicking with someone, like relief, like painkillers administered straight into his nerves, that soothed something in him though he wasn’t sure what yet. He didn’t even know it was there until Soxkt showed up and it went away. Some pressure between his temples or between his ribs maybe. Doesn’t matter because it’s gone now and there’s someone there to replace it, someone much more pleasant.

His comms erupt again and Draknus grits his teeth so hard, his gums ache. He tries to hold onto the feeling because if he doesn’t, he might just put himself and the hollering Guardian in his ear out of their collective misery.

He lands both shots in quick succession, the cloaking reenabling and allowing him to quickly skitter along the makeshift platforms, hoping over the entryways dregs poured from, barely dodging the stray flame and shots that whizzed through the air. The Kell of Kells mighty head was rapidly swiveling, looking with a growing rage for whatever had shot at him. He expected that. What he didn’t expect was that his partner would be searching for him as well with an equal amount of murderous intent.

A shot of shrapnel almost blew Draknus’s shoulder off. He dodged, cursing under his breath, quickly scurrying behind a propped up piece of sheet metal to gasp into the comm line.

“He’s on my tail, Socket, you gotta-”

“BAIT?! BAIT?!?! I’M FUCKING BAIT?!” Draknus grimaced. He was going to go deaf in this ear.

“Bait doesn’t have a shotgun!” Draknus quickly swung the sniper rifle to his shoulder and tried to aim down his sights. He could see Soxkt sliding around the pit, the gun in his hand making quick easy work of the dregs that tried to rush him. His quick dismantling of the Kell’s forces forced Skolas to regard him as a threat once again, pausing in his fruitless search for the Hunter to rain hell onto the Warlock. He watched Soxkt take a nasty blow to his leg from the arc gun but he was able to scramble behind cover, the telltale sign of a rift illuminating the corners.

“Where are you?!” Soxkt snarled into the comm lines between hisses of pain between his teeth.

“In a place you can’t be or we’ll both die.” Draknus took a deep breath to try and steady himself, physically and mentally. “If you are willing to listen now, if you just distract him, I can keep hitting him, and it should be an easy victory from-”  
“EASY FOR WHO, YOU FUCKING ARROGANT BASTARD?!” Soxkt yelled out while ducking into a side passage of the arena. 

“You’re a Warlock, aren’t you? Can’t you blink through space? Should be easy to avoid him!” Draknus started walking slowly to the side, continuing to aim down his sights while trying to get a better visual on the enormous Kell. He signaled for his comm to mute, clearing his radar from his overlay briefly to focus in. He hushed his breathing. As he stepped around a pillar, Skolas turned to look towards Draknus’s left allowing a perfect shot as he reflexively pulled the trigger-

Suddenly Soxkt turns the corner, diving into cover from where the Kell had turned on him, and slammed full force directly into Draknus with a sickening crash of armor.

Both Guardians collapse to the ground in a heap, Draknus’s finger not fast enough to avoid sending a shot directly into a hanging light fixture that crashed to the floor in a heap of scrap. Even if his cloaking had remained, their cover was most definitely blown now. Skolas wheeled around, a wheezing exhale of rage billowing from his mask. His footsteps were agile, bounding towards the tangled knot of bodies. Draknus desperately tried to reload his sniper, finally failing to not let panic sink in, pulling himself up as fast as he could, fingers fumbling the firing pin.

Soxkt roughly smacked the sniper from his hand, gripping and shaking him by the collar. “ROCKET!” He shouted, already reaching and practically clawing at the heavy weapon still holstered on Draknus’s back. Draknus ran on auto pilot, yanking the launcher into his grasp. His heart swelled. It was loaded with a single round.

Skolas roared with a vengeance and leveled his gun inches from their upturned faces.

Soxkt heaved the rocket launcher up onto his shoulder, hand wrapping over Draknus’s, and squeezed the trigger hard enough to nearly break the Hunter’s nimble fingers beneath his own.

The Gjalorhorn fires off with the sound of wolves howling piercingly loud, flames and gunpowder filling the senses of all three in its presence, engulfed immediately in fire and an explosion that rattles the prison to its core. When the smoke dissipates, the Kell is crumpled to the floor, smoldering, his gun skidded across the arena floor. In the aftermath, the silence is deafening. The few straggling dregs file away and the mines drop, empty and defused.

Two Ghosts quietly appear, shells scorched on the edges, and weave the Lights of their Guardians from the scorch marks on the floor.

“You know, in his last moments there, Draknus was so proud of Soxkt, he said he could’ve kissed him.” The Hunter’s Ghost jokes.

“I’m going to pray for both of us that he never acts on that urge should it pop up again.” Ventriloquist deadpans, his disdain for his Guardian’s actions clear.

“Should be fine. Why? Does Soxkt plan on blowing them and a Kell both up with a Gjallarhorn again?”

“At this rate, I put nothing past him…”

In sync, both Guardian are resurrected still on the ground, a few feet apart. Soxkt sucks in air desperately, elbows on the floor, helmet transmatting away in preparation for his potential emptying stomach. Draknus groans, stretching his limbs, hacking up a plume of dust.

“Did...did we do it?” He asks into the open air, thumbing the pressure release of his helmet and letting it roll off, winking up at his Ghost.

As though waiting for confirmation the two men were alive, Variks’s voice burst through the tinny speakers above them, voice displaying an impressive amount of excitement for his strange speech.

“Success! You have done it. Victory well earned, Guardians. Skolas...is no more.”

Both heads shoot up to stare at the speakers and then look beside them at the lifeless Kell body. Neither of them move.

“By the Traveler…” Soxkt mutters in shock, voice trembling like a newborn calf on it’s new legs. And then, like a dam bursting, he laughs, loud, open, full of relief.

Draknus joins in on the laughter immediately, throwing himself head first into the victorious feeling, pumping both fists into the air, hollering with joy. It’s a celebration of so much and Draknus doesn’t even care when Soxkt suddenly yanks him up by the collar and grips him into a bear hug. He barely registers it before it’s over and Soxkt has shoved him back to the packed dirt floor.

They’re arm in arm, Draknus talking a mile a minute as they descend to snare their treasure, Variks’s praise following their descent. Draknus is afraid he might talk his voice to nothingness (again) but he is already dramatically recounting the tale of the battle they only finished minutes ago, only becoming quiet when the chest opened and a shiny array of glimmer, weapons, and more were laid out before them both. They fell to a greedy, hungry silence as they luxuriated in their winnings.

“Sooo...you’re a hugger?” Draknus smirks at Soxkt who for once meets his smirk with one of his own, the glow of their reaped rewards bursting his face full of glimmering light.

“Better than the alternative.”

“Oh-ho? What’s the alternative?” Draknus grabs a hunk of glimmer in his hand and crushes it to watch it fall between his fingers in tiny sapphire cubes.

Soxkt’s confidence wavers and when he speaks next, it drops back to his unsure quiet. “We keep winning, Draknus...and you won’t find out.” The use of his name isn’t lost on him. He bites his bottom lip so hard it almost bleeds as he restrains himself from one of ten snarky comments he could give back.

Draknus wears his smile all the way back to the Tower and all the way into his bed again.

\---

The Titan, the Warlock, and the Hunter were the image of the perfect fireteam. They would need to rely on their inherent strengths and abilities to accomplish what laid before them. It wasn’t easy to cut through the swarms of warring Vex and Eliksni, who were furiously throwing their strongest at one another even before the arrival of the Guardians. It was a drawn out battle at least comparatively to many of the battles fought so far. The trio tore their way through the city, keeping steady pace, leaving a destructive trail behind him.

Draknus watched as No Name burst through ranks with her Stasis, unafraid and fully confident in her use. Walls of pitch dark ice divided the battleground into manageable chunks, waves of cascading freeze halting onslaughts of firepower from reaching them. He was so jealous he wanted to scream. He should feel some sense of revulsion but he didn’t. Instead, only awe and childlike excitement filled him. He swore he could feel No Name smirking at him beneath her glossy helmet when she caught him ogling between shots. Maybe this was her plan all along to make him find comfort in wielding Stasis. It was certainly working.

Soxkt’s comms had fallen silent since they had entered the structures of the city, not even letting himself communicate his flanks, a whirlwind of independent destruction that zipped from cover to cover. Even once the area was clear of hostiles, he did not join in the gasping chatter No Name and Draknus engaged in to keep their spirits high. Instead, his Ghost filled the tense quiet with a nervous stream of knowledge about how the high priestess’s role was known for once symbolizing a connection to secrets, how she guarded the subconscious mind.

“Why would you need to guard a thing like that?” No Name took the stairs two at a time, her knee sinking into and taking out a stray vandal who tried to skitter free.

“The subconscious is almost as important as the conscious. No one can fully know other people or even themselves and that makes it maybe the most important part of ourselves. You need to protect what you aren’t ready to see.” 

Something about Ventriloquist’s words made Draknus feel on edge and he was grateful when he was forced to shut up as a Brigg dropped from the sky twenty feet in front of them, drowning out their comms and the thoughts eager to leap free from the Hunter’s shadows.

Their battlepath led them from the outside back into the winding building structure of Riis-Reborn. Captains and powerful Servitors, strong even through their broken shells, waited for them, Darkness leaking from their claws. Draknus could feel it like an embrace the further they went. He was all too aware of his own breathing, wondering if he was inhaling the Darkness around him, already letting it mingle with his Light. If he failed to control this, the first people to get hurt would be those he kept close. It was a near paralyzing thought. Intrusive thoughts strained to push broken images through his mind- broken bodies of those he loved, the shiny new Lights of the clan who clung to his legacy, looks of betrayal from those who built him, a City in ruins, a sister made heartbroken once again…

“You’re good enough on your own.”

The words came through so clear, he whipped his head away from the duel he was having with a dashing Captain but Soxkt was busy putting holes in the sniping Vandals who shot down from the corners of the room. Draknus chuckled softly to himself at his own ridiculousness and gladly rode the wave of optimism that pushed away at the shores of his fear.

The fireteam watched the Fallen barrier rise, bringing them back outside, high above the city. Kridis waited, kneeling, surging with power before them. Behind her, the frozen image of Eramis and the Pyramid overlooked. It was quite the audience to have. This was clearly the end.

“Alright, boys. You ready?” No Name kept her voice low, moving quiet aside from the crackling of Stasis crystals forming over her arms, shielding her fists with dark frost, a perfect match to what encircled Kridis.

“Yeah,” Draknus and Soxkt cast a glance at one another from over the head of the Titan, “We got this easy.” Soxkt gave a thumbs up. That was all they needed.

It was a pattern that weaved across the platforms, perfect steps and circles formed in the snow under their feet as the Hunter and the Warlock carved a careful tapestry around the raging general. Draknus kept his distance and fell into a rhythm of precise shots, dodging, reloading, popping the soldiers who descended around him. He moved like lighting in a storm- striking and jagged to the untrained eye but fluid and free within. His freedom was harnessed by Soxkt playing thunder to his storm. The Warlock expertly moved between picking off dregs with his bow, unflinching even when firing point blank, sinking shots with ease until Kridis called his attention. Then it was the shotgun in his hands, brazenly bursting through her range of attack, pellets spraying and forcing her ire to remain fixed. He moved between silent death and bolstering hellfire, blinking through the empty space, herding her within the center of the platform at all times.

No Name was simply auxiliary assistance, cleaning up the missteps as she went along, slugging her way through the few dregs that managed to slip by. Solar hammers exploded against their faces, Void shields stopping their curving ammunition in its tracks, and Stasis crystals shattering in a cloud of icy wind. 

Once the dregs were all scattered, she threw a hammer at Kridis’s back, only to see it slow to a halt and fall to the ground before hitting her. A stasis shield covering the priestess’s body, who cackled nasally at the reflecting damage. No Name looked at the energy flow, noticing it was being generated by the servitors that had arrived with the dregs.

Draknus was only a moment behind her revelation, yelling into his comms “Damnit, we can’t get through with these servitors! Soxkt, you-!”

“No! I got this! Now finish her!!”

Draknus watched as No Name gripped the final servitor in her arms and charged with it, gaining momentum as she yelled before careening off the edge of the platform, driving herself and the immune connection between the machine and priestess in the long fall below. He lunged to the edge to watch her fall until she left his vision, bewilderment mixed with shock pulling a laugh from his ribs as he wheeled on his heels to bring Kridis back in his sights.

Kridis screamed as her vulnerability struck her from the core and from her mortality ridden body erupted a projectile of pure Stasis, careening directly at the Warlock stuck in the middle of flight, impacted in the chest just as his feet had touched the ground once more. Instantly, Soxkt was frozen, cosmic ice engulfing all of him, a perfect statue of Darkness so much like the one of Eramis that watched over this epic conflict. His bow clattered to the ground, dashed. Draknus watched him freeze and his mind ran blank.

Fear clenched around his heart like a fist and the Golden Gun burst from his hand, held high above his head, his focusing drawing to a single point, his vision bleeding on the edges as the world blurred around him. Everything moved in single shots. He saw the Stasis erupt from Kridis’s claws, pelting Soxkt’s frozen form, he saw him erupt into dark shards and for a moment, there was only a terror so potent he suddenly understood how Ana Bray melted the Earth with her Solar, how the Light could be pushed to far beyond the limits it never should, how the Light could maim.

With a roar, Soxkt burst free from the Stasis, the shards erupting around him the residual effect of his freedom.With that freedom came an eruption of void that sent Krydis stumbling, howling, the blackhole before her burning and freezing in a way her Stasis never could. It only took one bullet from the Golden Gun to finish the work and when she fell, no liquid pool of Solar collected under her form, though Stasis did burst from her in a jagged trail of icicles, seeking nowhere. When the plumes of frost were whisked away and the Nova bomb collapsed in on itself, the two Guardians were the only living creatures left. 

Draknus promptly fell flat on his ass and onto his back from there, exhaling loudly in repose, almost immediately knocking himself out with how hard the feral sense of panic burst from his body in a rush of calm that soothed his pulsing veins, still pumping fire under his skin.

Soxkt’s helmet thunks to the ground and the Warlock hungrily gasps in the frigid air, the sweat on his face immediately drying off in the icy atmosphere. Within seconds, his cheeks redden from the flush of adrenaline to the dry rosiness of the cold. Draknus watches him and realizes in the back of his head that their chests are rising and falling in time. Soxkt’s eyes are shut and he faces blindly out towards the edge of the platform, the bright white light of the snowy landscape shining like a beacon across his face, bright in a way that Pyramid on the horizon can’t replace. Draknus keeps his gaze on his best friend, pride overwhelming and warm in his chest, warmer than the Golden Gun still licking flames up his hand that slowly died away. Everything seems to collect on this single point of victory- every trial and past hard fought win, every argument and competition and long night up far too late debating strategy and tactical, all of it made today possible. And yet, knowing that, as Draknus watched Soxkt run a hand over his face, eyes opening to stare out in front of him, the sun washing his golden gaze white gold, he felt the funny feeling that maybe this was simply how things were always going to be with Soxkt. How things have always been, had always been, ever since those nights on the Reef together- simple. Easy. Natural.

Soxkt turned and faced him finally and his smile matched the sun.

...oh.

Draknus twitched sharply, groping briefly at his chest at the sudden pang that struck him and flushed him hot beneath the collar. Thankfully, Soxkt seemed not to notice, as he was clearly awash in a pride of his own. He chuckled deeply, walking to where Draknus still half laid against the ground.

“Not bad, Hunter.”

Soxkt stuck his hand out to him and Draknus hesitated to grab it but shouldered past the strange tightness eating at his muscles.

“I would say so, Warlock.” It must be some strange exhaustion, something to do with all this Stasis floating around that made him so light headed. But he didn’t feel the typical pull at the back of his brain and the tightness gripping him wasn’t with a clawed hand. It wasn’t a sinking weight anymore; in fact, he was damn certain when he stood up, he might just float off the platform if not for the hand in his.

Soxkt pulled Draknus to his feet, not reacting fast enough to the way his Ghost suddenly chimed in “Careful, he’s gonna be a little-!” Draknus’s legs nearly gave way and if not for the quick catch of Soxkt, he might’ve had to add a frostbitten, broken nose to his list of injuries from the battle. Instead, he was just now nearly flush to the Warlock who only looked at him with innocent concern at his fumble, gripping in his arms. Draknus swallowed, acutely aware of the blood rushing to his face. He was way, way too close. Too close to the person he trusted more than anything, the only person who could make the constant social interactions and responsibilities that came up every day bearable, the person he wanted at his side like a constant phantom pain, as though the empty space where the Warlock wasn’t was a limb he had to find a way to live without- what was he thinking?

“Draknus?” Soxkt half whispered, eyes wide, face softened to shock in a way he had never seen up close before. 

Draknus couldn’t even move his stupid mouth to respond, like his jaw had entered some emergency shut down mode, locking his tongue between his teeth. Where did these thoughts spawn from and why not? They weren't exactly new but that somehow made them more frightening. They were familiar like a person in a dream, like they had no business being something he felt in actual reality.

He was pressed close enough to feel the Warlock’s chest suddenly begin to rise and fall under his palm. Their breathing still matched, breath for harried breath. Soxkt’s pupils were blown wide staring into his. Draknus's brain was screaming for him to move away (or maybe it was his Ghost at this rate) but ancients above, he did not want to move.

His only clear, cognizant thought was to lean in.

“Do you hear that?”

Draknus blinked. He...he did. He stood up straighter, following where Soxkt stared off the edge of the platform. It was like a rolling thunderstorm birthed a rocket engine that came louder and louder until the roar threatened to deafen them both. With a grunt of effort, No Name slammed both feet onto the platform, nearly rattling the frozen Eramis off her perch with the fore. Arc energy tore through her armor and across her limbs. She threw her helmet off, letting it slam into the ground, revealing her breathless toothy grin.

“THAT WAS AMAZING, YOU TWO!” No Name’s laugh shook the metal beneath their feet, almost as much as her boots did as she slammed herself directly into Soxkt’s chest, crashing them both to the floor and skidding at least ten feet away. Soxkt wheezed like a deflated child’s toy beneath her. “I’M SO PROUD OF YOU! Can’t control Stasis my ass!”

“Please don’t break anything!” Ventriloquist shrilly begged, blasting Light at his Guardian from where he weakly groaned beneath the woman nearly a foot shorter than him.

Draknus felt the grin slowly melt down his face, suddenly aware of the cold around him once more and even more aware of the strange feeling that had been chewing on his insides. He quickly pulled his helmet back on, the tight confines redirecting the burning heat of his face back to himself. He looked away from the clamor of his friends, quietly whispering to his Ghost.

“Hey...Ghost? What was that?”

“What was what?”

“Ah, okay, cool, nothing.” He could almost laugh at himself for how readily he grabbed for the chance to be ignorant but he didn’t have a choice. He brought his breathing back to normal, wiggled his arms, straightened his back. By the time Soxkt was picked up with one arm off the floor, he was the same as he always was, even if he could swear that anyone who glimpsed him would be able to see what was going on scrawled in black ink above his head.

Soxkt grinned at him. He grinned back beneath his helmet.

It was nothing. It was nothing. It was nothing.

It had to be.


	3. When It's Brand New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Dawning comes and Draknus can't shake the feelings of Europa so he turns to an old crush to try and feel more at ease to disastrous results. If he's not brave now, when will he ever be?

I’d never really thought about the decorations of the Dawning or the work that went into turning the Tower into the spectacle it was during this time of year. Frankly, I just hardly noticed things like that in general until I walked directly into a dangling ornament or wondered why everything was giving me eye strain. I was very aware now though. Mostly because if these piles of snow were the real deal and not the synthetic stuff they made just for this event, I would’ve crashed on my ass at least a dozen times by now as I booked my way through the courtyard and felt the not-snow kick up at my heels. I’d had enough of this stuff on Europa but I could deal with it for a little while longer.

My mark in the hangar wasn’t prone to wandering too long. That wasn’t the reason for my rushing. Eyes darted from where they were focused over the curve of engines and datapads to track me and the glow of my cape that bathed everything I passed in an iridescent orange. I had a feeling things would go well and I took that confidence and rode it along as I turned the corner to the hangar. I saw Amanda Holliday standing where she usually was in her workstation, one of the few to not even raise an eye to my arrival as she impatiently read over a report.

"Last chance to back out," I muttered to myself. I felt my feet creep towards a crawl before rooting themselves to the grated floors, stopping just short of being obvious. "We doing this thing or not?" 

I was stuck there, pondering, my mind constantly reminding me that there was something else. Someone else. I knew where this was going and if I gave in to it, I would be rooted here until the Dawning was done and gone. So, I shoved those thoughts aside. I was getting pretty good at that. Briefly blissfully free of my own mental torment, I strode down the steps without thinking anymore. 

“Amanda! You busy right now?” I said, watching the engineer frame she had been talking to walk away.

She turned to me and smiled that oh-so sweet smile, the kind of smile of someone who devoted everything to keeping hope for humanity alive. “What ya need, hotshot? I’m kinda busy preppin’ the ships for the air parade so keep it brief, will ya?”

I returned her smile, trying best to mimic that heroic glow, and then pulled out the letter behind my back. “Letter for you, my fair lady.” I gave a curt bow, holding the letter out in front of me. I hoped desperately she wouldn't see the shaking of my hands. Confidence could only get me so far.

“Seems strange for a Guardian to be delivering and not a mail frame…” She said with a knowing chuckle as she accepted it. She quickly unsealed it and pulled out the paper inside and, much to my abject horror, began reading out loud.

“Dear Holliday, your constant smile and hard work lighten my day in these dark times. Your cheerfulness no matter the situation makes the season named after you feel that much more hopeful. I wish to see more of you in the coming weeks and return some of the happiness you provide me. This hapless Hunter would like to invite you to a clan Dawning party tomorrow evening for some drinks, socializing, and maybe even a little fun. Thank you, Draknus.” 

She finished the letter with a smirk, trying not to laugh out at the formality of it. I was grateful she didn’t regardless, as I felt like I was going to melt through the grates out of embarrassment already for being too nervous to say all that out loud, and for having so little to say in the first place. 

“So... uh, will you accept? I know it’s pretty dumb to not say all that to your face but…” I start to say, my already tepid confidence quickly vanishing.

She slapped the letter against her hand, spattering the back of it with oil residue before she shrugged and her smile took a kinder turn. “Screw it. Why the hell not? I’m not doing anything other than hangin’ out with bots in the hanger anyways. And with how often you come ‘round ‘just to talk’, I’m sure this is your way to invite me on a date anyways, right?” She placed a hand on her hip, looking at me expectantly.

I stood there, looking at the ceiling, then the broken ship to her right, the frame still stuck waiting at her side, anywhere that wasn’t her face before I worked up the nerve to say open my mouth again. “...Yes, I wanted to invite you on a date. With me. Will you accept?”

“Pfff, I already did, didn’t I? I just wanted you to be upfront with me on this. Damn well took you long enough, but it will do.” She turned around and waved the letter in the air before placing it on her workshop table. “Don’t keep me waiting though, alright? I’ll wait for you by the clan quarters. Never been to your fancy clan hall so you’ll have to pick me up and lead the way. Don’t keep me waiting, got it?”

By the time she turned around to look at me my shock had turned to an ecstatic grin that almost split my face apart. The relief was as nice as the wind that kicked up and cooled my flaming face. 

“You got it! I’ll meet you at 7. I won’t let you down!” I called as I began to make my rapid retreat, deftly making sure not to tumble over my own feet. Murmurs were lifting from the surrounding workers and a few stray Guardians had their heads turned with a little too much interest in my direction.

“You better not! I’ve stopped talking to people for less.” She responded snarkily but the wink she threw in was a reminder of her teasing.

I didn’t stop running until I was back in the annex, sequestered into a corner to catch my breath. People would talk. Rumors would spread. That’s okay. I could take it. Maybe it would even help in the long run. Some rumors would be better than others-

My comms lit up with a clan from the clan and I shut it before the name of the caller could flicker across my vision. I waited, frozen, until I was sure it was gone for good. I just needed one day not to think about it. Think about what stirred in my veins. Think about him. Just one day.

....

I stood by the open entrance to the Guardian clan halls, leaning against the door. The excitement of earlier had already greyed and against my wishes, I was an overthinker even on my best of days. My mind was already running through of all the ways this could go wrong. Would people be mad that I brought a date when the party was meant to be friends and colleagues? I mostly knew the answer to that: the influx of new Guardians that had joined us had also created a myriad of flings and trysts in their wake. No one could say a word to me...probably. There was also the fact Amanda was a Vanguard figurehead walking into a den of Dredgens, Shadows, Stasis wielders and those with the guts to loudly deny the Vanguard’s path. Dates be damned, that might be the real problem here.

I chewed on my nail as I craned my neck around to try and peer down the empty street. Would Soxkt be there tonight? Most likely; he was making an effort even more than normal to be around for things like this. He had become….popular even. It should make me laugh but I just felt like crawling into the nearby shrubs and burying my head into the dirt. If he was there tonight, what the hell is he going to do when he sees Holliday? I could only lie to myself so much to think his reaction was going to be zilch. I knew in my gut he was going to say something.

I thought back to when we were still on Europa learning Stasis together, both taking a break, sweat soaked despite the cold, leaned against an icy mound in the frozen wastes to discuss what we felt while interacting with the power of the pyramids. We learned quickly we were being told two different narratives by the Darkness and it felt cathartic to share in between bouts of fighting.

"I felt... fear that I was going to lose someone. Not just in general but someone specific, someone close. Over and over again, everytime I flexed the Stasis inside me, it would hit me. And without fail, everytime, it would tell me it was okay to feel that fear. That I should just let go and accept this loss. And then I wouldn’t need to feel it anymore at all." I had said, digging the toe of my boot into the slush. 

Soxkt looked at me thoughtfully. "And what did you say back?" 

I met his stare. My eyes had trouble pulling away from the smooth lines of his face once they settled into place. "I told it that I didn't know who it was speaking of, but I wouldn't let it happen. Not over my own dead body."

I saw the worry flicker in his eyes and watched his brow come together.

"That seems... grim. And ominous. I don’t know if that’s the kind of answer you should be sticking with, especially for the Darkness to hear and toy with. I….I wouldn't want you to…" Soxkt went quiet, looking away from me, biting off the words on the tip of his tongue. 

I laughed heartily and slapped his chest with an open palm. "Ha! Like I would die to some self sacrifice for one person. Not happening. Not a permanent death, at least. I'll be around to annoy you for some time to come." 

I had lied, plain and simple. I knew he wasn't in the best mood, and I knew it was partially my own fault. He was scared. I was scared too but I didn't want him knowing just how weak I currently felt, Elsie's voice still ringing in my ears. 

"This is a tool, don't let it corrupt you like it's the one in control." 

“Well, shit! You actually weren’t late.” My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone walking up to me and I startled. I turned to see Holliday dressed in a flowing red velvet dress, her shoulders exposed to the setting sun, the skirt splitting around the knee on one side. It was...jaw dropping. It took effort not to gawk like an idiot and even then, her smile cued me in that I hadn’t done the best of jobs.

“Wow! You look great.” I said, unable to pull my eyes away for a bit. I had never seen her wear anything other than her usual maintenance gear or casual workers jeans and shirts. Seeing her wrapped in something so soft and form hugging was a real nice novelty.

“You don’t look too bad yourself with that white suit there.” She said looking at the coat and button up I had selected for tonight.

I laughed nervously, pulling on the tie. “I just chose what I had in the closet lying around. Some old thing from a ceremony the Vanguard threw a few years back. I wasn’t sure what to wear to this thing, to be honest, but figured dressing nicely would be the best idea.”

She nodded, “How sensible. Now show me the way, hotshot. Let's get in there! You Guardians always through the wildest shindigs!” She grabbed my arm, and I started leading, feeling my pride and confidence return with every step and every tiny squeeze of her fingers on my bicep. By the time we arrived, I had swung myself all the way back to the same feeling I had when she first said yes.

It only took a few minutes of walking until we approached the doors of the clan hall for Otselotovaya Khvatka or “OK” as I often called it for simplicity's sake. The doors were already half open when we approached, letting the sound of music out into the night. Inside were dozens of people dressed in everything from formal wear to simple jeans and t-shirts. Most were standing around with drinks talking with each other, while others were dancing to the energetic beat that was playing over the hall speakers. Someone had hung up two disco balls that were painting the walls and ceiling in flowing colored spots that made it all seem much less formal than I originally imagined.

I walked in with Amanda right beside me, instantly drawing the eyes of some of the others. One of the newer recruits, a Titan I had yet to learn the name of, called out, “Ayy, Crota’s End brought himself a date? Cocky bastard!”

I was about to retort, but Amanda yelled back first, “Where’s your date, man? Sounds like you got your ass dumped!” Which was followed by the crowd around the titan laughing and mocking him good naturedly. 

She then turned back to me, calm and collected as could be. “Here, let's go get a drink, I want to see who else is here.”

“Sure,” I responded, half in a daze. I was simply happy to have not had to speak during the moment, the situation much more easily diffused than I would have likely pulled off, especially with how distracted I was. I could feel every set of eyes like a heat scan as we made our way across the room and I forced myself to walk with blinders, now being led more than leading myself.

At the bar, a frame stood taking orders and delivering at a rapid pace. I tried waiting for it patiently, but quickly realized that none of these other recruits gave a damn about manners. “A lemon drop please!” I called out, which it quickly made and threw my way without stopping it’s pace. 

“That’s kind of a girly drink, ain’t it?” Amanda said, eyeing the drink with a hint of a smile.

“Eh, it tastes good. And who really cares?” I responded, taking a sip.

She laughed before following up, “Good point. Bartender, get me a cinnamon caple whiskey sour.” Before looking back at me. “Might as well go all in during a party, right?”

“Why the hell not?” I said while I continued to sip from my glass.

Looking around, I was quickly lost in the cacophony of sounds and lights. It seemed as loud as a battlefield, though possibly even more chaotic and difficult to understand. I turned to see that Amanda was talking to Sunika, who threw a grin and a wave at me without stopping once in her six hundred miles an hour rant. I couldn’t quite hear them, but I couldn’t kick my ass in gear to actually try and join them. I let my gaze soften and took in the colored blur of Guardians.

I tried to focus on the few faces I could parse. I saw No Name talking to a sour faced Sigurd, who caught me staring and bared his teeth. Mystery was talking to her own Ghost in a corner, shooting furtive looks at Sunika. I tried to smile encouragingly but she just shyly glanced away with a huff. V1per was taking up a quiet corner with a hooded woman I’d never seen before, the picture of skulking Hunters. I recognized more but as the music cranked louder, I gave up on ascribing names to faces. I yanked at my collar. It was hot. It was loud. It was...exhausting after five minutes of sitting in it. It reminded me of the parties they threw in the Last City, especially after Crota fell and the Red War ended. Cramped spaces with strong scents and grating music and- oh.

Him.

I saw Soxkt sitting up against a wall, alone, face turned to chat with the Ghost over his shoulder and its dark glossy shell. I didn’t even know who I had been looking for him but that shock of red hair lit a tiny ember in my chest and brought my feet back to the ground. I downed my drink, licking the sugar rim off my lips, and didn’t even throw a second look at the chatting women at my side. I smiled without thinking as I moved towards the Awoken Warlock, sliding through the crowd with boozy confidence, like a ship to his lighthouse.

Soxkt was also overdressed but made it look a lot easier on the eyes than most. His black suit jacket was loose over his shoulders and he had rolled his sleeves up to the elbows, pale scars criss crossing out from the sleeves down to his rough knuckles. With the loose tie and untucked shirt, he was both dapper and unflappably cool looking. It was surprising to see him alone, especially looking like he was. I considered making a joke about having to get in line with a bunch of ravenous lovesick Guardians to speak to his handsome face but my throat closed at the very thought.

I waved as I approached. “Should’ve figured you’d be moping in a corner. You know, you don’t do the whole brooding loner thing as well anymore. Leave it to the Hunters, Warlock.”  
Soxkt smiled weakly. His Ghost appeared next to him, pupil squinted. “He’s been talking all night actually, thank you very much. You would’ve known if you weren’t so late.” He turned his judgmental stare to look out at the waves of people, voice becoming softer. 

“He’s mostly wondering if he should just ditch now while no one’s looking and go hang out with the cat in the armory. Maybe just leave for good. Not sure how much more of this noise he, or I, can take.”

I crossed my arms, nodding. I understood too well; the oppressive feeling of noise and lights all around was hitting me just as hard. All these bodies, all this talking, all this extra attention... It was markedly more comfortable and tolerable next to Soxkt though. Still, my ear perked at the idea of him sequestering himself somewhere more private. Perhaps I could consider this as an opportunity? 

I pumped the brakes on my brain with a lead foot. An opportunity for what, me? I'm not even sure where my own fantasies were taking me for a moment there.

“I won’t tell if you bounce, promise,” I said instead and mimed a zipper across my smiling mouth. “These lips are sealed.”

“You wouldn’t be one to talk for all the parties you’ve ditched ten minutes in over the years.” Soxkt spoke up, miming for his Ghost to stand down, voice low and hardly audible over the music yet it hit a pitch that pulled my ear every time.

I grinned and bumped his shoulder with my own. “Yeah? And who was always ditching with me, huh? How many times have you let my drunk ass sleep on your couch and bought me take out, eh?”

Soxkt glowered. “Too many. You always liked parties more than me.”

“False.”

“The blondes you left with would say otherwise.”

I felt my face ignite as I was suddenly reminded of the blonde I had just ditched at the bar and all the past….brief lovers I had taken. I peeked at Soxkt. A bad choice. He was looking right at me, head leaned back as he smirked, giving me a view of more blue skin than I had bargained on seeing tonight from where his shirt buttons were left open. I cleared my throat and mussed my hair, staring out at the sea of bodies, trying to remember how to speak.

“That….That’s not fair.”

“Uh-huh.” Smug fucker. I resisted the urge to pout when a memory conveniently popped into the forefront of my mind. It was my turn to smirk.

“Hey. Socket. Remember that time I tried to leave a party in the city I dragged you to and I didn’t want to just ditch you there so I hunted you down in that dark, cramped house-”

Soxkt had clearly remembered where this tale was spinning to and tried to interrupt, “Draknus-”

“-And I found you with some Hunter still in his gear, stupid cape and everything-”

“Draknus-!”

“It’s a good thing I found you in time! He was making out with you like he was trying to swallow you whole, boa constrictor style!!”

It’s funny. Most of what Soxkt seemed to do in his everyday life was try to find a way to dim the Light inside him. Not in terms of power or Darkness or whatever. He just tried to make himself...small. Unseen. Regular. It never worked. Whether it was just passing by or saving the whole system, he kept winding up in everyone’s eyes. And now, as he burst into laughter, face flushed, loud and unapologetic, eyes squeezed shut as he cackled….

I really hated everyone who turned to watch with me.

When he came down, giggling himself to silence, he turned back to me and I watched as that brief spot of joy dim once again. His brow creased and he opened his mouth, speaking slow.

“Do you...want to get out of here? Together?”

“Huh?” I heard the individual words but put together, it was like my brain wholesale just rejected it out right as english.

“I just… I want to let you know something. I was thinking a lot recently about stuff and I wanted you to know that I’ve been…I-I mean, I’m...” 

He paused and it still wasn’t enough time for me to catch up with what was going on. My head swam and I was grateful for the wall holding me up as my knees suddenly got a little too loose. Was I drunk already? Was he drunk? His face was red, really red, more than just the typical blush I was used to. He pushed himself off the wall and faced me fully...until his eyes went up and behind me.

“Hey, found you! Come on I need you to introduce me to some of these city folk around here that… oh, hey Soxkt!” Amanda said, stepping around while leaning on my shoulder.

Soxkt stared at Amanda with a blank look. His blush was gone and his jaw clamped shut tight, a shocked hand rising to press over his mouth. His Ghost darted in between us, drawing attention away from his charge. 

"H-heeeeey Amanda! Great to see you! Sorry but we should probably get going. Some… things have come up and we are so late for them. The things. That don’t involve being right here.”

I tried to lean around Ventriloquist, looking at Soxkt who was now pointedly looking at his own feet, stubbornly dodging my stare. “Wait, what? You okay, bud? You've gotten all red out of nowhere. Do you need some water or something?” I reached out to his shoulder, but he quickly batted it away before suddenly turning and stomping off, his Ghost quickly following and herding him through the crowds. 

I watched him go, stunned, left with a strange emptiness in my gut. I looked slack jawed at Amanda but she had silently crossed the room, filling a cup with water and returning to place it in my hands like a frame. She spun my shoulders towards the armory pointedly.

“Go talk to the poor guy. He needs it.”

I looked at the water, confused, but I didn't question it more than I needed to. I was grateful if anything. He looked like he was in bad shape, and I knew I should go to check on him. I wasn’t going to be able to think straight until then.

"I'll do that, thanks." I mumbled to Amanda before turning toward the armory where Soxkt had gone, taking the out greedily. I heard Amanda mutter something behind me, voice heavy with exasperation, but I was too lost in thought to catch it, her presence already rushed from my mind. Did the party finally break him? Was he slipped something? I didn’t even see him with a glass so what was it? 

I had to find out what was going on and I had to fix it, because if he wasn't with me, then what was the point of going to any parties at all?

I paused in front of the heavy armory doors and tried to understand what the hell I was thinking. Why did it feel so pointless to be here at the thought of Soxkt not also being there? I held my hand on the door handle, hesitating. I came to this party thinking of him too, but why did I think only about him and not anyone else? I brought someone else with me and yet I barely had her on my mind this entire night. Not just anyone but a woman! A gorgeous, smart, funny, charming woman who I had made eyes at for years. And what had I done? Left her at the bar the second this stupid moron was in my field of vision. I pressed my forehead to the door and realized I hadn’t been breathing and took a heavy inhale.

I opened the door and walked in, trying to push the thoughts out of my head just like I’d been doing for weeks. This wasn’t the time for musing. I could get this over with fast. I could fix anything. I just needed to see he was okay, then-

I was cut off at the sight of Soxkt sitting on the floor, back to a workbench, a hand up against his face as his body shuddered. He looked so...small. Ventriloquist was nuzzled against the back of his hand, speaking softly, but as he saw me, his pupil blew wide and he vanished. I quickly rushed forward and dropped to my knees, taking his shoulder, letting the heavy doors shut behind me, immediately bringing the outside to a near silent muffle.

"Hey, hey, Soxkt, what's wrong!? I knew you weren't feeling great but you should have said something if it was this...bad…”

He had frozen at the sound of my voice but now he peeked at me from between his fingers with a furious golden eye. I could tell by the rasp in his voice he had been crying. 

"Are you kidding me?"

I let go of him quickly, as though he was going to bite me. I couldn’t even keep up with my own thoughts anymore, lost in their torrent. His anger radiated from his body and burned. What did I do? Did I piss him just now? In the last thirty seconds? With Amanda outside? Earlier?

Was he crying...because of me?

"Wha-?" 

"Shut up. Fuck, just shut up! I don't want to hear it.” His eyes began to well with fresh tears as he wiped at his face with his forearm, mouth set in an angry snarl. “You like Holliday so much that you invited her just to show off your latest conquest? Like you won some prize? Fuck me, I thought you were better than that." 

"Soxkt, what the hell are you saying? That’s insane! I invited her because- I- because…" I stuttered. Why HAD I brought her? I know I looked up to her. I’d had a crush on her for years. She had been someone I knew I could rely on since I met her back when I first arrived at the tower. But why wasn’t that an answer I wanted to give anymore? What had even pushed me to ask her out tonight of all nights in the first place?

Soxkt continued when I couldn't. "Because you thought I wasn't good enough, huh? You wanted to rub it into my face and everyone else’s that you found someone better than me. You just really had to fucking drive it home like this instead of just telling me straight up."  
I slowly lifted myself to standing, having difficulty processing what was being said. He was…. jealous? That I brought Amanda with me? She was better than him? "I-I don’t know what you’re talking about, I-!" 

"You should know damn well what I'm talking about!" He yelled as he stood up, his coat dropping to the floor as he faced me. With his teeth bared like this and his arms at his side, I felt like a poor Cabal on the wrong side of the wrong war, like I was seconds away from being blown to bits in the Light of someone so much stronger. 

Soxkt watched my face and when he apparently got what he wanted, he grinned joylessly. "And the fact that you don't even know what I’m saying only makes this even worse. Unbelievable..."

"I don't- I don’t know, I…" My words were caught in my throat. I couldn't finish them. So I just asked what my addled mind needed the most. "Why?" 

For a second, he looked almost like he pitied me or, rather, himself. His face slackened and he looked ready to finally unleash the tide of new tears. But he didn’t. He grit his teeth and found some new, raw anger inside him as he dragged his hands over his face and finally looked me in the eye. 

"Because I'm in love with you, Draknus!"

…

Love?

I froze in shock at the outburst. My mind was sweeped white, having to almost go through a reboot process like some Golden Age computer system. I didn’t even have the energy to break out of the stupor when Soxkt shoulder checked me on his way past me to the doors. They slammed with ground shaking force, vibrating up my legs from the stone floor. I heard the cat yowl and dash under a new bench.

I sat down and leaned against a work table, taking his spot for my own. I kicked at some light wood shavings that were strewn about around me. I couldn’t sit here all night, no matter how much I wanted to. I had to at least try to think. How long had this been the case? How long did he feel like….? I shook my head, rubbing my eyes,feeling like I already knew the answer and that number was too high to be acceptable. But at the same time I kept doubting myself, over and over, denial working overtime to numb the ache going through me and locking up my limbs.

Was it all just a dream? Or had he only just now woken up? 

My Ghost appeared beside me, then flew in front of my face, it's shell angled in an angry stare. "If you can't sort out your feelings, then how about I do it with you? 

"What?" I hadn't asked him to help, but my Ghost had a tendency to speak up without provocation, usually to save himself the headache of watching me go in circles for hours when he picked up on something I couldn’t. Why would it be any different now? I leaned forward, desperate, eyes wide.

"You know what's going on? Do you know why he’s suddenly saying he lo- all these things and acting like this?”

The Ghost stares me in the eye, quiet for a moment before speaking firm. “Because you treat him like more than a friend. Just think about it. You get angry and petulant when you find out he’s doing things with other people, you act more like yourself with him around, and he is also the one who consistently pulls you out of your own problems, emotional or mortal! Don’t think for even a moment that I’ve forgotten what happened during the Red War, what he did for us.” Ghost hovered a little closer and for a second, I felt like I could really read the feelings behind that little iris as he spoke next, comforting. “But that’s not the problem right now. The question is...how do you feel, Draknus? There’s no wrong answer.”

“I feel like I’m going to create a black hole in our armory when I just pop and my Light goes out.”

“I meant about Soxkt. What do you feel about Soxkt?”

"Okay, well, uh, he's my best friend. He's moody, and he's wicked smart, sarcastic, competitive, but also, like, really gentle? Good looking. H-"  
"And how does he make you feel?"

I looked down at the floor, fiddling with the wood strands. I knew I was only making this harder on myself by dragging my feet towards that question. Did I like Soxkt like that? I thought I was just treating him like a close friend but… what my Ghost said was all true. I don’t treat anyone else like that. Not even Sunika or A-B0N. I never have. Somehow, I’d put the blame of that on him, like it was his fault he was just special in my head. The thought was overwhelming, my memory lighting up with a thousand different examples of each moment that I had given special thought to him or gone out of my way to do something for him. Every time I had taken for granted how being with him felt so right. How much I wanted him to feel the same way. Of all the times that I’d… gotten jealous when I saw him with Drifter. I thought it was just friendly concern. I thought it was just an understandable reaction to knowing he was going to that shady, untrustworthy son of a bitch and finding some lazy respite in his bed-

“Draknus!”

I blinked. I had ignited the woodchip in my fingers. I quickly squeezed the flame gone.

I stood up, letting my racing heart guide me back to my feet, unsteady as they were. "Thanks. You’re...you’re right. I need to go talk to him and sort this out."

I briskly walked back into the party and looked over the entire room to see if Soxkt was still around, but I knew the truth. There was no way in hell he would’ve stuck around. He would have left to find a silent place, somewhere he could relax and was comforting. Not home. I began to make my way to the exit when I heard Amanda call out to me. 

"And where do you think you're goin’, skippin’ out on me?" She walked over with a worried expression before quickly saying just loud enough for me to hear over the music, "I saw him storm out and leave the party. You finally turn him down? Not too harshly, I hope."

I pieced together what she said in a hurried fashion before quickly stuttering out, "Nonono, I uh! I didn't turn him down I- uh. I didn't know what was going on and then he said…" Her face showed that she didn't understand immediately so I continued in a furious whisper, "He said he loved me and that made me realize that I-" 

She blew the air out from her cheeks, her worried face changing to disappointment as she shook her head. "Oh brother. That's how it is, huh? This entire time, you didn't know?" She reached out and gripped my shoulders so tightly I thought she might dislocate them. She forced her narrowed gaze into mine. 

"Alright, hotshot. So now you know what he thinks. What about you? What do you plan on saying to him?" 

"I-" I hadn't thought about that. My plan was to talk to him, but I hadn't thought about what exactly I was actually going to say. "Maybe just a "I love you too?" would suffice?" I squeaked out.

Her eyes were hazel slits." Those your actual feelings then? Or just something you want to say to make him feel better? Because if you say it without meaning, then it will only make things worse. I don’t need the Hero of the Tower blowing the damn place up if he finds out you’re takin’ some kinda pity on him."

She spoke with such confidence and assurance that I had no choice but to admit she was right. I had to think about this harder, not just coast on my adrenaline packed fear of losing my best friend. I steadied my breathing and let myself rest in her hands. She waited patiently.

Did I like Soxkt? Yes, of course, I’d like him from the moment I heard him tell me off in the Reef years ago. But did I like him in the way he liked me, in a way I didn’t even know I was capable of liking people? I looked back on the night so far. I couldn't stop thinking about him when I was picking up Amanda. I had trouble enjoying the party until I saw Soxkt. The way I was feeling when we were arguing… 

And then I felt it. That same sucking wound in my chest. That feeling I had every time I let Stasis course through me. The fear of loss, of losing the most important thing to me, of losing everything that mattered in one single life. I knew where it came from now. I had felt it when Kridis had frozen Soxkt and in a blink of an eye, I was forced to contend what life would look like with his shape missing in it and the shape I saw was only a void.

But he didn’t die. He lived. I saw him smile. I saw the light of Europa wash over his face. Even Oryx wouldn’t have been able to stand before the Light in his eyes when he looked at me.

“You’re good enough on your own, Draknus.”

I looked up into Amanda's eyes with a sureness I didn’t know I could have. 

"Yes. I love Soxkt. He's the most important person to me. And I need to make sure he knows it."

Amanda smiled in relief and let go of my shoulders with a hearty slap. "Then go get ‘im, Hunter! And make sure you never forget what you just said! I’m gonna take advantage of the free booze until that scary EXO yalls got as a clan leader chases me out!" 

I turned and ran out the door into the cold, brisk air of the Last City’s highest reaches. My breath billowed like smoke in the wind and trailed behind me as I took off. I exited the Guardian Halls and looked around for people. Several groups were down below, looking out at the parade of ships flying through the city firing fireworks at regular intervals. Rule that area out. I thought as I then walked up the stairs to the courtyard where Hawthorne often stayed. She was missing, likely avoiding the crowd herself to stay with her bird. 

I didn’t leave just yet. I stood on the perch, staring down at the city, waiting. A sound drew me to look to my right, a sniffle coming from a lone guardian sitting on the roof of the pagoda that overtook the road below. Silently, I clambered up the side until I was beside him.

“Hey. Got room for one more?” I asked. I didn’t wait for him to respond, taking a seat next him, my back leaning up against a wall. It was dark enough that his eyes glowed in the dark but still light enough that this close, I could see the harmony of swirls underneath his skin.

Soxkt sniffed and kept his eyes locked to where the Traveler hung in the sky. His voice was dull when he finally spoke. 

“Are you just going to be chasing me down all night then?”

I followed his eyes to the huge porcelain-looking sphere, letting my gaze take it all in before saying, “No. If you ask me to leave, I’ll leave. But I didn’t want to end with that. I wanted to at least apologize and tell you how I really feel.”  
“I don’t know if I can even handle that.” He said softly.

I closed my eyes. I was afraid he was about to say that, but I took a deep breath and chugged along anyways. “Remember when we trained with Stasis and I said I couldn’t handle the idea of losing others?”

I could tell he was debating answering but he sighed. “Yeah, you said you started feeling that way after the battle against Oryx.”

“Bingo. I always knew I cared for other people but I didn’t realize how terrified I was at the prospect of losing anyone and how much that ruled my life. Everything I did. After Oryx it just….exploded out of control, like a nuclear reactor. So I ran. I’m better now but….I’m not one hundred percent.” I pressed a hand to my chest, feeling my ramming heart. “Well, point being, that…. wasn’t everything about how I felt. Not exactly. I’ve been lying to myself and I’ve been letting that exact fear stop me from saying this sooner but-” I took a deep inner breath to calm my nerves. 

“The one I was most afraid of losing was you.”

A wave of sadness took over Soxkt’s features and he looked away with a wince like I’d struck him. His eyes closed in resignation and he spoke with them shut, each word like a rock in his mouth. 

“...Draknus, you...you aren’t going to lose me. It’s just going to hurt for a little bit but, I mean….I-I’ll get over it, I won’t let this ruin-”

“No, fuck, don’t...don’t say that…!” I couldn’t stand that burdened look he was giving to the stars, already resigned to his heartbreak. I don’t know what I’d do if he gave up right here and now, before I even got a chance to make this right. I felt the heat under my collar build. I had finally learned what I had been feeling all these years. I wanted him to fight back, to try more. To want me like I’d only just realized how I wanted him. 

I turned to face him and gripped his arms and he turned to look at me, tensing under my hands. I could feel my voice rising but I didn’t care enough to stop myself.

“Don’t you give me that. You love me. You really do. This….you aren’t just going to get over something like this!”

Soxkt bewilderment turned quickly dour and he half-heartedly tried to wrest his arms free. “What the hell is this…?”

I was getting too mad, I knew it, but I had never felt like this before on any level. Less than a decade of life and all the things I’d fought and won and this is what was causing me to drown. 

“Tell me. I want to hear you say it. You’ve loved me for years, right? Even though I’m the most dense, childish, selfish, immature idiot that’s ever slayed a Hive god. Even though I left you after the king’s court, left you to defend the system by yourself, left you alone at a bar every time some girl made me feel like a bigshot hero…!” 

Soxkt’s eyes were wide discs. Below us, the parade raged on. Fireworks popped overhead and danced colors across his face. It was hard to hear my own hoarse shouting over the festivities.

“You kept being there for me, saving my ass, supporting me, holding me! And even though you could have told me any time, you didn’t, because you thought you weren’t good enough for me! You told yourself you couldn’t have me! And you never once...you never even…!”

“Draknus…” Soxkt’s voice was velvet soft. He reached for my face and I winced back out of instinct but his thumb caressed my cheek and I only then realized I was crying. "You're the easiest man to love I've ever met." 

I was starting to shake as the weight of my feelings tried to pin me down like gravity. I had lost my momentum but I had to keep trying to get through to him.

“What the hell is wrong with you, huh? Didn’t you notice? At any time? How much you meant to me….?”

“I don’t think even you know that.” He stated.

I laughed. In fact, I doubled over myself laughing, pressing my forehead against Soxkt’s, laughing probably like a psycho, pressing my cheeks into the palms of his hands. Of course he would know that. He knew everything except what actually mattered, maybe the most important thing of all time. But this time, I was determined to prove him wrong in one way he couldn’t forget.

“No. Not anymore. I promise, you know-it-all Warlock. I know exactly what you mean to me right now.” I looked up into his amber eyes, their dilating pupils reflecting the fireworks in the city. 

“I love you, Soxkt.” 

And then I let myself submit to desire, my head tilting towards his as his hands helped guide me to meet in the middle. Our lips met and I could feel his heat and breath melt with mine as we became beacons of warmth within the cold night air. I’d kiss….well, a number of people before but this was wholly new. Soxkt held me like I was glass in his hands. I felt his hands push through my hair and memorize the angles of my face and let his touch ghost so gently over all of me. I'd never been touched like I had the luxury of being a thing that could break. It was unfair. How was I supposed to live without this now? How were my clumsy fingers supposed to convey the same notes he played? I tried my best. I hoped with every second it was enough.

I don’t think Osiris himself could keep track of time in an embrace like this. We pulled apart, only doing so enough to catch our breath and gaze into each other’s eyes. I grinned. Funny how an expression I’d been privy to many times before was so different from centimeters away. That glassy stare like honey, red cheeks, gently parted lips….yeah. That was a reaction I’d be chasing for a long time. Not that I could tease too much- I had a lump in my throat and an urge to burst into tears that wouldn’t let me be. 

I tapped a finger under Soxkt’s chin. Ok, a little teasing.

“So what about you, huh? Give me another chance please? Or was that not good enough for you?” I was surprised he hadn’t burned a hole through my shirt with the heat radiating off him.

“No, I mean, that was good enough, I guess.” He said, his gaze floundering a bit as he tried to pull away and look anywhere but back at me. I didn’t let him as I reached up and held his head in place as I gently pushed my forehead against his.

“‘Good enough’ my ass.” I whispered. “I want to know if I compare to that old man in the basement. I bet I’m way better.”

Soxkt swallowed hard enough for me to hear, voice as soft as a ringing bell. “I...I p-promise, he doesn’t k-kiss me like that.”

“And so I’m better?”

Finally, a smile split across his face and he laughed quietly. “Yes, alright, and you’re better too. Jackass.”

I pulled my head away, chin lifted towards the sky, smirking. “Ha! And with that, I’ve won. Traveler’s might, you don’t know how long I’ve wanted to hear you say that I’m better than that greaseball. Now, with my victory secured, you wanna take this romantic confession from the top? Be all formal? No more...insecure ranting from my end, no more yelling from yours?”

Soxkt rested his chin in his hand and openly drank the sight of me in, his shyness dissipated. I realized how often I’d also seen this look before and now it was my turn to find a new place to stare at. I’d find the courage for ogling me later but for now, the butterflies in my stomach were taking hold.

“Formality is kind of out of the picture at this point, isn’t it? I don’t think we’ve ever been ones for tradition.” He chided.

“Hey, never say never right? Come on, I said it to you. Only fair to say it back now, right?” I reached for his hands and pulled them close. I felt the rough skin of his knuckles and the dappled lines of his scars under my fingertips. It was more than just a body I was now permitted to hold but a history and a legend in the making. Hundreds of years of creation and the gift of Light to put him before me now. The thought made me shiver. 

“I-I already said it earlier though…” Soxkt’s weak arguing melted when I pressed my lips to the back of his hand.

“I know. I’m really greedy. But I’m not budging on this one.” I just wanted to hear it one more time. I wanted to hear it without fear and denial chewing on my brain. I wanted to hear it without the anger, not shouted like a battle cry, like the last dying words of a planet’s core. I wanted the privilege of his voice saying those words to me...and no one else.

The hands cupped my face once more and I realized now Soxkt’s thumbs were tracing the pale markings around my eyes. His smile was almost gone but I could still hear the happiness it carried on the lilt of his voice.

“I love you. So, so much. For every single part of you. I always have.”

“I love you too, and don’t you forget that.” I reached out and gathered him in my arms like a cat or a bundle of warm laundry, all skin and rustled fabric and the feeling of home it brought with. Without even thinking, I pecked him on the cheek, right on his rosy red marking. I stifled the chuckle when I caught myself doing it. It was already that easy to love him, freely, openly, with no shame, no hesitation.

It was about time the two of us got something easy.


End file.
